tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post2385067053145221590..comments2023-07-15T00:49:06.852-07:00Comments on asexy beast: Giving Up, Letting GoIlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-31930212188936857652010-10-31T20:13:05.856-07:002010-10-31T20:13:05.856-07:00RR, I agree that it's a major catch-22, but it...RR, I agree that it's a major catch-22, but it's definitely not your own personal one (if that helps any). It's mine too, and probably a lot of ours.<br /><br />*pours tea for Tomatl*Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-12901012693103201822010-10-31T18:00:31.966-07:002010-10-31T18:00:31.966-07:00I have the most amazing kindred spirt friend(s). A...I have the most amazing kindred spirt friend(s). At the risk of oversimplification, the problem for me is frankly: They are my priority, they are my most favourite, I love them best, I am committed to them. <br /><br />And I am their second priority after their partner, I am their second favourite after their partner, they love me second best, they are committed to their partner first. <br /><br />(hmm, that should have carried a bitterness warning!)Tomatlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-49782052246694874982010-10-31T16:16:15.684-07:002010-10-31T16:16:15.684-07:00This all brings up a bit of an issue I have. I'...This all brings up a bit of an issue I have. I'm generally not 'lonely', don't feel any drive to be in a relationship - none of that. However, there are times I get 'jealous' for lack of a better term. Not because I want any sort of 'relationship' as it's expected and defined, but because I am inevitably secondary. <br /><br />People get into their relationship with their other people and when it comes time for important things to go on, it is -expected- that person always comes first and, since pairing off is 'normal', this tends to leave me the odd (wo?)man out.<br /><br />The only obvious solution to this seems to be to pair off as is 'normal', which I don't really have any desire to do.<br /><br />My own personal catch-22, I guess?RRnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-2247192642531946692010-10-31T15:59:22.772-07:002010-10-31T15:59:22.772-07:00The Asexualist-- Believe it or not, I've writt...The Asexualist-- Believe it or not, I've written a post based on that video. It's from September-- check it out :-)<br /><br />Eli-- I hope I can come up with something useful!Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-56965679295020330522010-10-31T09:49:47.094-07:002010-10-31T09:49:47.094-07:00PRECISELY. I can't wait to read the rest of yo...PRECISELY. I can't wait to read the rest of your thoughts on this. People think you're scared or feel unattractive if you say "I'll probably never get married and don't feel I need to" and alost never take you at your word that you don't feel unattractive, you feel <b>unattracted.</b>Elihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02407962240747523379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-39658690118900929092010-10-30T19:02:10.139-07:002010-10-30T19:02:10.139-07:00Submitted for your approval:
http://www.youtube.c...Submitted for your approval:<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYsThe Asexualisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08809466392544200256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-39450040148913162882010-10-30T14:39:34.519-07:002010-10-30T14:39:34.519-07:00Ily: Exactly.
The idea is that the relationship b...Ily: Exactly.<br /><br />The idea is that the relationship binary harms me and so I should try and give it less strength. The flaw is that 'friend' is such a ubiquitous word.SlightlyMetaphysicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17891271827553008521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-69366721163704604262010-10-30T13:42:09.222-07:002010-10-30T13:42:09.222-07:00Thanks for the comments, y'all...I'm glad ...Thanks for the comments, y'all...I'm glad I wasn't wrong and other people are thinking about this stuff :-)<br /><br /><i> Last week I read back through David Jay's old posts and decided to stop using the word 'friend'.</i><br /><br />Although I'm not sure what it would accomplish, I'm intrigued by that idea. So what do you do instead, just call everyone by their name? Then how do respond when people ask, "Who's that?" I vaguely remember David saying that he describes people by the activities he does with them, but how do you keep that concise, especially if it's a close friend?Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-59817753390847005082010-10-30T12:16:02.717-07:002010-10-30T12:16:02.717-07:00One of the other problems with friendships is that...One of the other problems with friendships is that you really don't get the same kinds of automatic long-term association that is associated with romantic relationships. <br /><br />For instance, I've got a pretty close circle of friends right now. When we graduate from college in a year or two, it's pretty well understood that we'll be dispersing to a variety of different places for graduate school or jobs where we may or may not be able to spend much time with one another. If I was to declare I would be going to X university for graduate school because of proximity to friends, I'd get met with bemused looks from practically everyone else I know. <br /><br />So... I don't know, I think straight-up friendship also has the problem in that it gets very, very little cultural or societal support. I almost think making up a new name for a close relationship would be better than just trying to take our current conception of friendship and broadening it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-87107900373011503262010-10-30T10:17:53.424-07:002010-10-30T10:17:53.424-07:00We do need some good words for what we want if we&...We do need some good words for what we want if we're interested in dismantling the institution of marriage, and beyond that, the institution of heteronormativity. <br /><br />Lately I've been talking to my friends in meatspace about relationship hierarchies. Especially, how there is this tendency for sexual relationships to trump all others even if those sexual relationships are not fulfilling in other ways. So yeah, I think it is necessary to dismantle the hierarchy and have relationships based on mutuality (I won't say equality, I reject equality).<br /><br />I'd love to say, let's all just determine our relationship structures on the fly, case by case...but even "random" is a pattern and we at least need to establish that part of building our relationships is also building our own relationship structures. I think this is why polyamory is helpful, because successful polyamorous relationships require negotiation. Ideally, I think, all healthy relationships should involve negotiation so that everyone gets their needs fulfilled.Magehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10845561077092927717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-61573633611189932982010-10-30T01:42:26.808-07:002010-10-30T01:42:26.808-07:00Difficult, isn't it? Last week I read back thr...Difficult, isn't it? Last week I read back through David Jay's old posts and decided to stop using the word 'friend'. I think I've violated that rule several times.<br /><br />It's like asexual visibility, but harder. Because to make the world better for asexuals, you have to tell everyone what an asexual is (normally using yourself as an example) and make sure they actually understand (not always easy). To prepare the world for non-binary relationships in a meaningful way, you have to get loads of people to understand and validate them. Which is even more difficult.SlightlyMetaphysicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17891271827553008521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-18003948400207912542010-10-29T20:22:16.765-07:002010-10-29T20:22:16.765-07:00The thing is, it can be hard if friends are your p...The thing is, it can be hard if friends are your primary relationship, but you're not theirs (which can happen to anyone, asexual or not). I think the vast majority of people want close friends, no matter what other relationships they may want in addition. It would be rough to have a romantic partner and no friends. But with marriage and romantic relationships, you're looking for something "above and beyond" most people's ideas of friendship. Maybe it depends on the nature of the individual friendships.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-47770726674159518102010-10-29T17:45:32.249-07:002010-10-29T17:45:32.249-07:00As far as alternative relationships go, how about ...As far as alternative relationships go, how about close friendships? In my experience asexual relationships tend to be almost indistinguishable from strong friendships anyway. But it probably depends on what purposes of marriage you're trying to replace. Friends could easily provide the emotional benefits of relationships, but friendship does sound pretty underwhelming (or desperate) as a life goal. Possibly because there's much more of a script for building relationships/marriages/families than there is for friendships.proton donornoreply@blogger.com