tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post362538700677163101..comments2023-07-15T00:49:06.852-07:00Comments on asexy beast: Spotlight On the "Forbidden" TopicIlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-11351781111728539632010-01-28T11:23:57.878-08:002010-01-28T11:23:57.878-08:00i've been following your blog here somehow stu...i've been following your blog here somehow stumbling upon it while searching for answers as a person who has always had a high fascination with things that are "sexual" or so sensory overwhelming as to lose control, i came across this blog. honestly, i lump things that overwhelm sensory to that extent as somewhat inherently sexual. so of course when you say orgasms aren't inherently sexual, it feels completely nonsensical. i have had different degrees of orgasms during masturbation, so really i get it when someone says masturbating to scratch an itch, i get it. there are just so many reasons (or non-reasons) why someone would masturbate or have sex (or choose not to) that if we start to break them down with such detail we'll get down to labeling every moment of each individual in the universe as unique.<br /><br />it seems like there's just way too many labels to me...as my overall opinion about asexuals, or any other label, lesbian, gay, straight, bisexual. there are lesbians who have sex with men. it just seems like identity politics.Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01278986233867353688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-54722949854382487742010-01-27T18:31:18.589-08:002010-01-27T18:31:18.589-08:00I agree. A lot of people seem to make (wrongful) ...I agree. A lot of people seem to make (wrongful) assumptions about the definition. And even if they do know it, again, a lot of people have never really thought before about its terms.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-37180704954377598322010-01-27T00:58:29.397-08:002010-01-27T00:58:29.397-08:00The reason I imagine people ask this question is b...The reason I imagine people ask this question is because they don't know what "asexual" means. Does it mean not being attracted to other people, or not having any urge for genital stimulation whatsoever?<br /><br />This is why I think sexual categorization is so silly and inconsistent. Rather than arguing over the limits of the term "asexual," "gay," "straight," and so on, we could just say, "I like to have sex with men" or "I don't like to have sex with anyone," etc. So much easier to understand!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-52256468897218619312010-01-17T15:52:16.389-08:002010-01-17T15:52:16.389-08:00And, you know, how can you possibly think "do...<i> And, you know, how can you possibly think "do you masturbate" is an appropriate question to ask anyone outside of some VERY specific circumstances (of which "they are coming out to me as having a specific sexual orientation" is NOT one)? It makes me think the asker has been raised by wolves! *flails* </i><br /><br />These are my thoughts exactly! I've been asked the question in an educational context, which might make it a little more appropriate, but still...the question is never "do asexuals masturbate?" but always "do YOU masturbate?" And especially in the educational context, the answer to the latter question isn't in any way relevant.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-86081867222353626322010-01-15T13:01:02.512-08:002010-01-15T13:01:02.512-08:00Belated, but commenting because I am a fellow asex...Belated, but commenting because I am a fellow asexual whom the "do you masturbate" question bugs to no end.<br /><br />The thing is, it's so *senseless*. If liking genital stimulation had to mean that you liked other people doing it to you we would not have sexual orientations <em>at all.</em> If a straight woman can masturbate but *still* not want to have sex with women, why assume that an asexual who masturbates can't be *really* asexual?<br /><br />And, you know, how can you possibly think "do you masturbate" is an appropriate question to ask anyone outside of some VERY specific circumstances (of which "they are coming out to me as having a specific sexual orientation" is NOT one)? It makes me think the asker has been raised by wolves! *flails*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-75036052655043727422010-01-14T23:10:12.915-08:002010-01-14T23:10:12.915-08:00You know, possibly someone might also still be una...You know, possibly someone might also still be unable to believe in the concept that a person can live without sex, when they ask the question of whether an asexual masturbates or not. If a person masturbates, then it demonstrates that they have a 'normal' sexual desire, or need, which most people think is a natural human drive/need now. Not even masturbating is hard for some people to imagine, as most people think that your parts down there would still need to be satisfied somehow, right?<br /><br />Just another thought on this subject that came to me now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-7429198273940448522010-01-13T15:28:10.285-08:002010-01-13T15:28:10.285-08:00Or, Omnes.Or, Omnes.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-87097598339635402712010-01-13T15:27:52.897-08:002010-01-13T15:27:52.897-08:00True, Omes. I'd like to think that you wouldn...True, Omes. I'd like to think that you wouldn't get any disagreement on that point.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-6154003966764924222010-01-12T20:23:35.679-08:002010-01-12T20:23:35.679-08:00Especially since sex means so many different thing...Especially since sex means so many different things to different people, and since masturbation is sexual *for some people*, I just have to point out:<br /><br />The simple fact of a person having a physiological "sexual response" or even partaking in something that might seem to an outside observer to be sexual DOES NOT in and of itself make something sexual beyond the trivial sense of "pertaining to sexual or reproductive systems" (which would define masturbation as trivially sexual in the same way that menstruation and meosis also happen to be).<br /><br />Example: Rape. Rape is an act of violence and not an act of sex. An outside observer from a variety of vantage points might have difficulty distinguishing between rape and sex. They remain nevertheless drastically different things.<br /><br />-- Omnes et Nihil (i.e. not the same poster as Anonymous, seen previously)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-82757408867972516522010-01-06T16:44:50.233-08:002010-01-06T16:44:50.233-08:00Thanks, Anon! I agree with you on the assumptions...Thanks, Anon! I agree with you on the assumptions that meanings are innate. Tends to be especially true when it comes to gender...Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-79824675820713835012010-01-05T22:48:40.540-08:002010-01-05T22:48:40.540-08:00Here via Feminists with FSD, and I love this post....Here via Feminists with FSD, and I love this post. I'm not asexual myself, but being queer, kinky, and sexually dysfunctional, I'm used to defining sex differently. <br /><br />And if you blur the lines by saying that so-called non-Real Sex™ things "count as" sex (i. e., frottage or bondage)<br /><br />—why shouldn't you then affirm that so-called sexual activities...aren't?<br /><br />Here's a real-world example: when I was a very young child, I masturbated. I didn't have a sexual orientation. I wasn't fantasizing about sex at all (that kind of thing would have frightened me); I did imagine stories, though (which are none of anyone's business). I could only conceive of it as a sort of hunger and satiety thing. It was hella fun. Of course, I thought Duck Tales, birthday cake, and dinosaurs were also hella fun.<br /><br />Later, I developed a sex drive and attractions and what not—but it could have turned out differently. I think that we in society assign meanings to things, and come to think the meanings are innate when they're really not.<br /><br />Thank you for shedding light on a very loaded topic!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-42367150001171265272010-01-01T14:53:04.674-08:002010-01-01T14:53:04.674-08:00I consider masturbation to be sexual (though I onl...I consider masturbation to be sexual (though I only speak for myself). If asked, I explain it this way: Imagine you're a straight guy, but you live in a world where there are no women. You experience no attraction. But would that stop you?<br /><br />How can someone have certain sexual characteristics or behaviors and still call themselves asexual? Well, no one says that asexual means utterly lacking in anything sexual whatsoever. And even if that's what it meant, we would still need to talk about degrees of asexuality. I feel that the most pragmatic way to measure degrees of asexuality is by measuring the degree to which we relate to the set of asexual experiences. The most important experience is attraction to other people. Masturbation is relatively unimportant, and I hardly feel the need to relate to anyone about it.<br /><br />And lack of masturbation isn't a particularly common asexual experience anyways. More common is the feeling of doubt caused by having all these almost-sexual behaviors which, absurd or not, fail to translate to sexual attraction.Siggyhttp://skepticsplay.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-21010613320742410002010-01-01T11:41:49.328-08:002010-01-01T11:41:49.328-08:00What a great post! It's one of the most popula...What a great post! It's one of the most popular questions, and one that's pretty easy for me to answer: I'd rather have a back rub, shoulder rub, hug, cup of tea, or a good nap. It's all physical stimulation of sorts, and on occasion masturbation might help facilitate that nap, but really the bottom line is feeling good. So perhaps a group hug is an orgy, sheesh.heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06376018353561979984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-8755738558110473882009-12-31T18:00:07.519-08:002009-12-31T18:00:07.519-08:00http://spikedhumor.com/Article.aspx?id=195908http://spikedhumor.com/Article.aspx?id=195908Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17547861996892795908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-86556267183128800542009-12-31T14:38:14.561-08:002009-12-31T14:38:14.561-08:00Interesting discussion we've got going...as fo...Interesting discussion we've got going...as for "leaving it at that", I totally hear you Meah, but sometimes when you leave something, other people pick it up and take it to places you never would have intended. I know there are too many assumptions made about asexuality to target all of them, but I figure we can at least do what we're able to. <br /><br />I think this is yet another place where asexuals can be useful to sexuality as a whole-- "sex" really has no standard definition, and yet everyone just says "sex" as if we're all on the same page. I think outsiders' views would be helpful here. I agree, SM, those acts are different, not because what goes on physically is different, but because they would probably have different meanings and intentions to the person. I tend to be of the "we create our own reality" school of thought, which probably shows in this post. :-P<br /><br />Feel free, Dovie...people can be really difficult sometimes. Sometimes it's like, "Well, I'm trying to tell you something important about myself here, but you're just getting hung up on semantics..."Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-79121282884077609732009-12-31T12:33:25.996-08:002009-12-31T12:33:25.996-08:00Anonymous, for saying you want to avoid circular a...Anonymous, for saying you want to avoid circular arguments, that's quite a big one. The only way to define loosing your virginity is having sex, so if the only way to define having sex is what might make you loose your virginity, we still haven't arrived at any non-self-referential definition.<br /><br />I'm not sure non-self-referential definitions of sex are actually that useful, though.SlightlyMetaphysicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17891271827553008521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-13873164002005414192009-12-31T10:28:06.030-08:002009-12-31T10:28:06.030-08:00Without going into endlessly circular arguements, ...Without going into endlessly circular arguements, it might be easiest to define sex as something which would cause a person to lose his or her virginity. <br />Whether or not that would include oral sex might be open to discussion, but the fact that it has to involve more than one person should be obvious to everybody.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-71420783098629241672009-12-31T00:55:08.611-08:002009-12-31T00:55:08.611-08:00Bond, I think maybe Ily was saying that there'...Bond, I think maybe Ily was saying that there's a big difference between sex and sexuality. Masturbation may be inextricably a sex act, because it involves genitals being manipulated in similar ways to sex, but sexuality is a lot harder to pin down. If you're doing the same action, but thinking either: "Oh golly, my partner is hot. Imagine what..." or "What a beautiful sunset..." or even "I must remember to cancel my milk order before I go on holiday", those are, to me, completely different acts.<br /><br />Another reason asexuals don't like defining masturbation as inherently sexual is that, as Ily says, some people say masturbating asexuals shouldn't count, completely missing the point that masturbating asexuals still don't have sexual attraction.<br /><br /><br />Ily, I love how you went straight to your dictionary. It's very interesting that all the definitions of sex are self-referential. I don't think I've seen many non-self-referential definitions at all, except for the coital definition, which I've always suspected was created mostly for virgins-till-marriage and Bill Clinton.SlightlyMetaphysicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17891271827553008521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-47002708936359665712009-12-30T22:04:23.374-08:002009-12-30T22:04:23.374-08:00Correct me if I'm wrong, but can we not just p...Correct me if I'm wrong, but can we not just point out that asexuality at least in part refers to a lack of sexual attraction to other people and leave it at that?Meahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05848523303246513373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-9605651520246778312009-12-30T21:56:36.226-08:002009-12-30T21:56:36.226-08:00You know someone tried to attack me about my possi...You know someone tried to attack me about my possibly identifying as Asexual and said its no different than celibacy because I still masturbate and like men. Ugh....Ily I'm going to email you. I should still have ur email in my inbox. Maybe you can give me some perspective. <br /><br />Be on the look out babez!Daddy Squeeze Me!https://www.blogger.com/profile/14857915791876792168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-85973215272431113652009-12-30T21:47:24.027-08:002009-12-30T21:47:24.027-08:00Just to clarify, I'm not saying masturbation i...Just to clarify, I'm not saying masturbation isn't sexual, but that it's in a gray area where it could be either. I'm not sure if that was totally clear?Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-11617777163720250312009-12-30T21:26:47.552-08:002009-12-30T21:26:47.552-08:00You may! :-) Looking up "sex" and "...You may! :-) Looking up "sex" and "sexual" in the dictionary, all the definitions were, as you said, circular and self-referential. For example, one definition of "sex" was "sexual intercourse". Uh...no duh? I don't have a written-in-stone definition for sex (was that totally obvious from my post?), but I tend to think it would involve more than one person.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-15622417898997110712009-12-30T20:40:37.208-08:002009-12-30T20:40:37.208-08:00May I ask how you're defining sex/sexual? I to...May I ask how you're defining sex/sexual? I totally agree that whether asexual folks masturbate is both nobody else's business and not necessarily relevant to asexual identity, but I'm having trouble imagining any definition of sex that is consistent with this post. I usually define sex as something like, "physical stimulation in the general direction of orgasm for one or more people." I can't think of any other definition that isn't either circular/self-referential (i.e., "stimulation etc. that the participats deem sexual") or that doesn't exclude things that are definitely sex acts (if someone's mind wanders to beautiful landscapes with being pleasured by a lover, is the act rendered not sex?).Bondhttp://deardiaspora.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com