tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post7275965299114153583..comments2023-07-15T00:49:06.852-07:00Comments on asexy beast: Asexy-UglyIlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-37211501816551253472012-03-21T16:12:34.207-07:002012-03-21T16:12:34.207-07:00@Anon, I do know what you mean! At least, I think...@Anon, I do know what you mean! At least, I think I do. It seems like you explain it pretty clearly. It's like, yeah, people are complimenting you, but they're also sexualizing you.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-18566724596896170282012-03-20T19:45:26.810-07:002012-03-20T19:45:26.810-07:00Wow...what you said about the boy who called you b...Wow...what you said about the boy who called you beautiful but was 'foisting it upon you'...that makes a lot of sense.<br /><br />I've always thought I was attractive to myself. But I feel "foisted upon" alot when people give me compliments that seem false. Not that they don't believe I'm beautiful...but that they're not really seeing me...they're only seeing my sexual attractiveness.<br /><br />People have called me drop dead gorgeous, sexy, smoking hot. Yet it all quite disturbs me...because what they're seeing must be an illusion...because what I see is a plain girl with nice features. Nothing more or less. I don't consider myself ugly at all....but the more people stare and comment on how beautiful I am...the uglier I feel.<br /><br />I'm unsure why...anyone know what I mean? I'm so confused.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-83139340567984121142012-03-04T13:26:18.584-08:002012-03-04T13:26:18.584-08:00This is something I struggle with a lot. I have a ...This is something I struggle with a lot. I have a physical disability. I don't want to be called beautiful or pretty, because it always sounds like it has an asterik, "oh, but you're so beautiful! you're so pretty*" *you can't even tell/people don't even notice, etc. When you have doctors trying to cut you open from an early age and TELLING you, and your parents, that no, this won't do anything medically, but it will make her LOOK closer to normal, you have a real problem with being told how pretty you are, or how pretty you COULD be, if you'd 'let yourself' (usually by wearing makeup or certain types of clothes) <br /><br />Then of course, there's the fact that I'm both asexual and a woman. Too many people tend to be of the opinion that if a woman looks good, she did it on purpose, and you're right to say it just doesn't feel safe to have someone see you that way when you're not expecting it. So there is a part of me that does not want to look pretty, because I don't want to be accused of looking for attention I don't want or can't handle.<br /><br />Yet I still look in the mirror and wish my nose was smaller, my teeth were straighter, and my stomache was flatter. I hate my freckles, and even though I like dimples on other people, mine just make my face look chubby. I don't feel attraction to very many people, but those I do are usually outside the so called 'beauty standard' anyway. Yet I can't help but hold myself to different standards. And I constantly wonder why that is. <br /><br />Mostly, I try to ignore the way I look as much as I can. My mom is one of those women who believe that if you look better, you will feel better about yourself, and I believe the opposite. I think if you get in the habit of "looking good" it becomes a kind of need, where on the days you don't get that validation, you wonder what you've done wrong. So sometimes, I dress up, for fun, because I already feel good. And sometimes I wear clothes that will make people stop and stare, either in the good or in the "what the hell is she wearing" way. But mostly, I try to ignore my own appearance.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18126897957971131701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-41786890960120607762012-02-29T10:32:59.809-08:002012-02-29T10:32:59.809-08:00Have you heard of the term "jolie laide"...Have you heard of the term "jolie laide"? <br /><br />I'm doing a "search" on your blog and don't see it mentioned, so forgive me if you've already touched on it. <br /><br />Anyway, that might bring some interest to you.<br /><br />Jolie laide translates to "pretty-ugly," as in both pretty and ugly at the same time.<br /><br />Off-kilter features, body shapes, etc., but still attractive, pretty to look at. <br /><br />I find the concept interesting, especially since it is not really mentioned in USA culture. <br /><br />Anyway, might add something to your discussion/thoughts on being attractive, conventionally pretty, etc.Jessicanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-58375686939377539802012-02-25T17:44:29.215-08:002012-02-25T17:44:29.215-08:00I also sometimes like looking at abandoned old bui...I also sometimes like looking at abandoned old buildings.<br />When I mention that I am from San Francisco, many people comment "oh, what a beautiful city". Whereas the city where I live now is usually described as "ugly". And quite frankly, I find that refreshing. Either a) I do not pay attention to how the city looks, which means I can pay attention to something else or b) when something is so ugly that I take notice - I take notice. I am engaged. Actually, I think that's why some abandoned buildings are so good to look at. They are engaging to look at,Sara K.http://thenoteswhichdonotfit.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-28062094593379294242012-02-25T15:27:18.805-08:002012-02-25T15:27:18.805-08:00@Carolyn, thanks for the comment! I don't thi...@Carolyn, thanks for the comment! I don't think it's going over your head. This is one of those topics where I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I agree with you that ugliness and beauty are subjective, but there are still social standards of beauty. These social standards could be totally different from someone's personal standards, though. Like for instance, the social standard is that women need to be thin; the fact that a lot of people are attracted to fat women doesn't change that (oddly enough). I think part of what makes the social standards so perverse is that they ARE so different from our personal ideas (a lot of the time). I think there can be great beauty in ugliness. For instance, I think abandoned buildings can be very beautiful. Does that also mean they're not ugly at all? I don't know.Ilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12795337226989102549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5223027726680052006.post-61765403798376256622012-02-25T14:19:00.811-08:002012-02-25T14:19:00.811-08:00The thing about "ugly" is that it's ...The thing about "ugly" is that it's in the eye of the beholder, as they say. I'm not sure how it could ever be a political label, but this might all be going over my head. It might be slightly possible to define "fat," but there will always be people more and less attractive than any one person, so it's not really possible to claim it as an objective term. If you wanted to claim "ugly" there would immediately be 100 people less attractive than you claiming you don't really have the lived experience. It's also true that it's intertwined with personality. But to me that means that its much more common to describe someone as ugly because of their personality. People find different physical qualities attractive so there is no way to discuss objective beauty. My experience is that the prevailing wisdom is the opposite of what you said, model-types are assumed to be jerks because we stereotype them as having never had to develop a personality. But maybe that is a stereotype that the could be tackled in this movement?Carolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13105910803000467429noreply@blogger.com