"Success was survival, and kid, it still is."
--The New Pornographers
--The New Pornographers
Sometimes I can really relate to Harvey Firestein's character in Torch Song Trilogy. (I know, frightening, but I've done worse.) Especially the part when his mother says something like, "Why does everything you do have to be so GAY?" It seems like when you're part of some misunderstood minority group, your identity as such becomes an entry into every equation. When Woody Allen in Annie Hall thought someone asked him, "Jew eat?", we were witnessing the same phenomenon. It's just a theory, and it might seem silly, but people seem to have an urge to know what makes them different. Especially in the case of orientation, since no one knows what the heck really causes it, and probably never will.
To probe this idea a little further, I'll put myself onto the couch for a bit. Like:
Pretty much all I've been thinking about lately is my job situation. Millions of people seem to be fine with boring, ho-hum jobs, but I desperately want a job I can have a religious zeal for, and I'm miserable considering anything else. What makes me unable to tolerate entry-level job hell? Here's a few ideas:
1. I have a short attention span/am lazy/am a total wuss and can only handle something that doesn't feel like "real work". (Not likely, by the way)
2. Everyone's as frustrated as I am, I just complain more. (Probably true)
3. I have a major independent streak and zero tolerance for "the man", which pretty much precludes me from all traditional business. (Probably sadly true. This Xerox machine kills fascists!)
4. Because I'm asexual, I'm making my job into a surrogate "significant other". If I can't love someone romantically, I'll just channel any "romantic" notions I have into the work sphere. The energy that other people invest in dating has to go somewhere, doesn't it? (No clue. It's convenient to blame asexuality for everything, as it can't defend itself. But how valid is this?)
See what I mean?
To probe this idea a little further, I'll put myself onto the couch for a bit. Like:
Pretty much all I've been thinking about lately is my job situation. Millions of people seem to be fine with boring, ho-hum jobs, but I desperately want a job I can have a religious zeal for, and I'm miserable considering anything else. What makes me unable to tolerate entry-level job hell? Here's a few ideas:
1. I have a short attention span/am lazy/am a total wuss and can only handle something that doesn't feel like "real work". (Not likely, by the way)
2. Everyone's as frustrated as I am, I just complain more. (Probably true)
3. I have a major independent streak and zero tolerance for "the man", which pretty much precludes me from all traditional business. (Probably sadly true. This Xerox machine kills fascists!)
4. Because I'm asexual, I'm making my job into a surrogate "significant other". If I can't love someone romantically, I'll just channel any "romantic" notions I have into the work sphere. The energy that other people invest in dating has to go somewhere, doesn't it? (No clue. It's convenient to blame asexuality for everything, as it can't defend itself. But how valid is this?)
See what I mean?
2 comments:
From what I know from reading your blog posts, #1 is completely out of the question. No one who has a short attention span or is lazy or a total wuss could possibly pour as much energy as you do into AVEN meetups, pamphlets, etc.
I don't know about #2. I'm sure there are people who aren't frustrated as well as people who are.
#3 - I know I'm in that category, anyways. :D
I don't know if #4 is valid either. I mean, it seems silly, but it also seems like there might be a bit of truth in it? But why would that make you unable to deal with "ho-hum jobs"? Don't people who have 'significant others' often have "ho-hum" SOs? (That's what I've noticed, anyways.)
So I guess I think that it has as much with you being female and in your 20s as it does with being asexual. Who wants to be tied down to a boring desk job during the first quarter of her life? Not me, certainly. (Sorry this was so ridiculously long :P)
Thanks for the comment, it's nice to hear that someone else feels the same way about boring desk jobs! I just can't get over how unnatural they are. I mean, if I was forced to go out and grow vegetables I'd probably starve to death, but isn't there a happy medium somewhere? And yes, many people do have extremely ho-hum SOs...that's compulsory heterosexuality for you. Combine that with compulsory office work, and it would make anyone loose tolerance for "the man". ;-)
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