Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
"And listen: just leave the no-sex part out of it for starters. 'I'm not getting laid and that means you're broken' is not a recommended opening move."
Tell me about it! And to all my family and friends who feel similarly: I adore you as well, and if you have the chance, spread the gospel! I'm trying to do so tomorrow at the SF Pride parade. I made this shirt, inspired by that rousing picture of the TV A-Team:
(Note to future designers: Drawing on a ribbed, highly stretchy fabric with a fabric marker is none too easy. Every curved letter is actually composed of lots of little dots. So if you get stuck in the same situation, dot away...)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
But let's talk about gay people for a second. Gay people do more together than just experience attractions to the same sex. They (to some extent) go to bars and clubs, have film festivals, go on cruises, and erect long-overdue busts of Harvey Milk. As most of us know, gay folks have been known to have their own culture. And the goal of this blog is to show that asexuals can do more together than simply eschew sex. We can have our own subculture. Even if we don't have our own cruises, we can talk about the same music, movies, and books. We can speculate on the same celebrities; we can have inside jokes. You know those terrified people who say, "If you're not having sex, just be quiet! There's nothing to talk about!"? I know we do have a lot to talk about, and I want to prove it. No one could read any of our blogs and deny that fact.
My other goal is: If you're ever in some kind of dire situation, and a villain snidely asks you, "Yeah, you and what army?" You can say, "Hah! My asexuals!" and we will all appear out of the background in impossibly nice suits and weilding futuristic gadgets. Mm Hm.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Music is my Girlfriend
by Let's Wrestle
It's not cool to be nice
So I won't be nice
It's not cool to be modest
So I wont be modest.
It's not cool to like Leo Sayer
So I won't listen to Leo Sayer
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.
Sometimes I think that I'm trying too hard
But why would I be trying too hard?
I am never trying too hard (?)
I don't even need to try.
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.
This is the band's Myspace, and this is the label site with a painfully short sample of the song. "I Won't Lie to You" is also the jam.
There's definitely a precedent for love songs about music, especially in hip-hop. I mean damn, "I used to love H.E.R.?" I can't even count the number of times that song has been referenced in other places, and I think most folks who have ever been in love with hip-hop can quote some portions of it. I'm trying to think of a woman who has performed a romantic/personal ode to music, and I can't. Can you?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Well, I said I'd talk about the stony-faced, unbelieving people. Daria had Sick, Sad World and I suppose that I have Serious, Sad World. This is a post I made on Apositive (edited for length):
In short, the ignorant masses really bother me to the point of distraction. When someone makes a false statement about asexuality, even if I don't know the person, it upsets me. For as long as I can remember, I've been extremely overwhelmed with all the ignorance, intolerance, and injustice in the world...Even if someone's not talking about ME, I tend to take all statements about asexuality personally. Educating all these ignorant people seems like an overwhelming, if not impossible, task. I know there will be bigots everywhere, no matter what, but the fact that they are out there, not just for asexuality but for every group, disturbs me greatly and makes me paranoid. Sadly, there's no level of self-security that you have to have to be "made" asexual (or any queer person)... I can't be the only person who struggles with this, and I think it might be a reason why people are afraid to come out as asexual. These "ignorant masses" can be extremely hard to tune out if you're not secure in yourself, and sometimes even if you are.
Relevant and brilliant image from xkcd:
I'm not sure what I was getting at with this, except to raise an issue that I don't often see raised. However, it is a large one. How can we know that people are terribly wrong, accept it and go to bed? And how can we find other members of our small group without the fear of being told we're wrong? I don't know; questions are free but answers are valuable. I like to think of what everyone else says and does as a river flowing past me. If I see something I like going by, I can grab it, and everything else goes away and disappears. But sometimes I still feel like the ignorant masses are coming, like anacondas from the water (or something), to suffocate me with constant worrying about things I can't change. Freaky, that.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I've seen people writing graffitti on stickers like this:
I was thinking that one could take these stickers and a Sharpie, write asexual phrases on them, and covertly stick them around town. You could also use those blank labels commonly found in offices. The whole point here is to get people to Google the word "asexual" and hopefully compound other visibility efforts. If you live in a small community and you're the only out asexual that people know of, I guess it won't be that covert...but no one can prove it!
If you like this idea, go forth and sticker...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Here are two more things that I don’t understand in this world:
1) Why are laundromats so dirty?
2) Why are there so few active AVEN members in
The second is actually relevant to the topic at hand here, so I’ll continue to express my wonderment: Isn’t
So, what are some cheap, easy, relatively enjoyable things to do for visibility? Preferably that we can do at a meetup while drinking FREE BEER? (That’s right. Meetup on July 12th, and there will be FREE BEER. Yes, I’ve gone there.) I'm aware that not everyone wants to come out to the whole world. And even if people are out, most are probably averse to broadcasting their sexuality. Since these people probably represent the majority of asexuals, it's crucial to figure out visibility activities that they can feel comfortable doing. The person who comes up with a good answer to this question will gain a name forever honored by the blog gods. And I don't know what happened to my font and size. I should probably ask the blog gods for guidance. Durr...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
--Randall Graves, Clerks 2
A few of you told me to watch Clerks for an example of a romantic friendship.
So I watched Clerks and still didn't see it (whoa, it's in black and white, dudes!). The partnership between Randall and Dante seemed more like a friendship of convenience, the sort that you need to have to make retail life bearable. I didn't get the feeling that they'd stay together if they left their boring jobs.
I enjoyed the movie though, so I got Clerks 2, which is set ten years later. Randall and Dante are still together. 3/4 of the way through the movie, I still didn't get the romantic friendship vibe. But in the prison scene towards the end of the movie? There it was. And not just between Randall and Dante (the clerks in question), but also between Jay and Silent Bob, the odd-couple drug dealers that loiter throughout the movies. Jay and Bob definitely have an unconditional love for each other-- why else would you hang out for ten years with someone who never talked? In the end, it's a regular platonic love-fest. But as usual, it takes a jail cell confessional to bring all this to the surface. Also, consider the ending of Clerks 2. Would a woman ever be portrayed as making the same choice that Dante does in the movie?
My point behind asking that question is that it still seems to me that in male "buddy movies", women are present mostly as a divisive force. However, in similar female-led movies, the goal is usually to win the love of men, even if the friendship is maintained. This leads one to believe that men can get everything they need (except sex) within a friendship, but no matter what a female friendship is like, it's not enough. And I think, sadly, that most of us buy into that.
Monday, June 9, 2008
On Saturday, there was AVEN. Or the A-Team. I don't really know what to call it anymore, now that we're trying to draw people in from outside AVEN. Anyway, two people besides me came. We had a grand old time exploring Glen Canyon, fighting off coyotes with baseball bats, and eating a lot.
On Sunday, I accidentally attended a meetup of Couch Surfers. These are people who travel around and sleep on people's couches instead of hotels or hostels. I think there were about 10 people there. The leader of the group claimed that if he set a time and place, people would always show up.
It doesn't take much time to learn that San Francisco is a very transient city, with people coming, realizing it's too expensive for any living thing, and then going. This atmosphere makes people friendly and amenable to meeting new folks. Even the most random groups will draw crowds. If we didn't call our group asexual, but instead claimed to be vegan kebab-makers or Munispotters, we'd probably have more people than we knew what to do with.
It's odd that Couch Surfers can draw a crowd, while something as basic and primal as a sexuality can't (yet). My goal here isn't to make people feel bad or guilty for not attending meetups. Trust me, that's the last thing I want; life is hard enough. The issue lies somewhere beyond what any individual does or doesn't do.
The first AVEN meetup I attended was in November 2006. Four people made it. This was also the last meetup not planned by me, although I really hope someone else plans a meetup soon. Anyway, my logical thought was that slowly, painfully slowly, this number would increase. And that hasn't happened at all. Attendance peaked at six a few months after that, but that was the only time, ever, that a meetup had more than four people (and four is rare-- usually it's two or three). I keep thinking that this isn't working in its current incarnation, and that I need to change it. But to what? It's like banging my head against a wall. There are so many things in the universe that I don't understand. This is one of them. Most of those things, I let them be. This one feels deceptively like I can control it. But maybe I can't.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Meetup Tomorrow (but it doesn't matter, because you probably won't come).
Glen Park BART Station (if you're late, we'll leave without you).
for walking at Glen Canyon (where we'll probably be eaten by coyotes) and possibly eating (if we survive the first part).
Well, it may suck, but it may not. Your call.
A little humor never hurts...
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Although it's a book about queers, it doesn't discuss orientation or identity per se. It's all about racism, poverty, police brutality, inaccessible bathrooms, the prison system, and so on. The main point is that no one is free while others are oppressed. If you can't provide for your basic needs, equal marriage rights really aren't going to matter much to you. When people say "asexuals don't need rights, you already have rights", that's missing the point. What about asexuals who can't afford health care or those who are targets of racism? (According to one study, aces are more likely to be nonwhite, less educated, and poorer.) That's Revolting really makes it clear that every struggle is connected in some way. You won't agree with everything in the book, but you should read it anyway. It's important stuff. (And I love the cover art.)
One of the most powerful quotes was from Sarah Schulman, one of the founders of an experimental gay film festival. She said:
...In the old days, if there was a lesbian that worked somewhere, I could call her. And she would call me back and tell me how we could use her organization, or how we could use where she lived to help gay people...We were the conspiracy. That was the relationship between us. It didn't matter if we knew each other. Now gay people identify with the power structure that they're working for. And that identification is a lot stronger than their relationship to each other. So therefore, there's no community. (73)
Can we change that? In our emerging community, can I call you? You can call me-- (or e-mail, or even comment here) no matter where you are, no matter how far. Listen, baby. Can we bring the conspiracy back?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
During the trailers for what looked to be a lot of crappy movies, we were subjected to a preview for He's Just Not That Into You: The Movie. It was never our favorite book around here. As I ranted to my movie-going companion (sorry about that), "What's next, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: The Movie?" You heard it here first, Hollywood. I'm appalled that you're so low on ideas. Call my people, aiight?