Wednesday, September 12, 2007

He's Just Not That Into You

(Book, Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo, 2006[?])

A little over a year ago, I skimmed through a friend's copy of this book. I thought, "Hey, there's some good advice in here". We all know one, two, or 35 desperate women (of course, never you or I) who could do with a good shoulder-shake and some concerned intervention. This book offers that much needed "girl, HELLO!" and for that, we can be thankful.
So today, I was browsing through the Green Apple Books discount store (mmm, Green Apple, te amo!), and I saw a copy of Into You for $4. I thought I might buy it, and illuminate it for you here on this blog. Skimming again, I found the chapter called "he's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you". The first time I read this, it made me think "EW!", and the second time, my gag reflex was just as strong. Greg and Liz, as I fellow writer, I get it. "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you, except if he's part of a small group of asexual people" doesn't really have the punch that you're looking for. But couldn't we at least have gotten a sidebar about the 1% club? Instead, I found a sidebar about a survey of 20 men who all wanted to have sex with women they were into.
Again, we're coming in short on the "edu".
The whole situation is just not as simple as Into You makes it sound. And I think we damsels in distress can handle a higher level of complexity, even in a pink book. We may be desperate, but we're not stupid. And it just made me sad, thinking of all the people who I might be into, who will think I'm not really into them because I don't want to have sex with them-- with or without this book. It made me sad to remember how nonsexual relationships are still seen as inferior, and how much work it will take to change this. It made me sad to think that a #1 New York Times bestseller aimed towards young women who like pink (me me me!) still made me feel like I was from another planet.
Pop culture can be many things, but it should never be depressing.
So I didn't get the book. Instead, I got Pocky.
I think you'll understand.


Sammie said...

"He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you"

This line makes me sad. Not because of what it fails to say about asexuals. But because of what it says about sexuals.
Sure, 99% of all people want to have sex, but that doesn't mean they all want to have sex all the time and as soon as possible.
There are so many guys out there who would rather wait. Who would rather slowly get to know a girl, share a connection with her, before jumping between the pillows.
why does sex have to be the start of a relation, to be had asap and to be repeated preferably dayly for the rets of the relationship? This is a very wrong idea of what sexual people are like.


Ily said...

Sammie, that's a great point. Thanks for commenting!