I'm not done with Boston Marriages. This is a good thing, because it means I haven't been on any godawfully long bus trips. But even if I had been, this book would have been a good thing to take along. I'm enjoying it. Especially now that I've gotten past the theoretical articles and on to the personal stories. I've just finished one called "When we were whatever we were: Whatever it was that we had". I can only relate to the lesbian experience as far as it isn't the heterosexual experience, which isn't saying a lot. But there were definitely passages that made me go, "mmHMM" and even a bit of "Amen, sister!" Like this one:
I think a nonsexual relationship is functional. I think there are a lot of relationships in our lives that we don't give the importance we should because they're not sexual. One of the experiences I have had in San Francisco is that a lot of women I have become friends with have moved away. It's a very transitional city, and I feel very settled here. I feel if a friend is thinking of leaving town, she should come to me and say she's thinking of moving, what do I think. But they don't...I have very close lesbian friends, and I would like to see us have more options. We need words to say we're committed to each other, and that we will talk about life decisions together, but that we're not lovers. --Laura Moxie
So it's not only asexuals-- and I'm sure it's not only asexuals and lesbians either-- that can have trouble forming committed friendships in a society that's awfully wishy-washy about their existence. On the one hand, we (as women, I can't speak for the guys) are shown images of devoted Sex & the City-style friendships (see earlier post) and on the other hand, we're pressured to get and keep boyfriends and/or husbands. We're told our friends are not enough; that they won't love us as much as a boyfriend or husband will.
This story in Boston Marriages reminded me of the pain I felt when I realized I was much more committed to a friend than she was to me. It hurt like losing a romantic relationship would hurt, only I never received the closure. The story also reminded me of a straight female friend who once declared: "I would totally move across the country with a friend. What's so weird about that?" Indeed. If only more people were aware that it isn't 'weird' to share that view.