New Best Friend

Since I said I'd keep you updated on my other projects, I can't resist posting this song I wrote on some asexual themes.  While some of my songs are total autobiography, this is more of a compilation of different people's stories that I've heard over the years.  I will take full ownership of "eternal bachelor problems", though.



"Best of" post is still crawling towards completion...

Giants of Indiepop: "Pristine Christine"

Because it wouldn't be this blog without my valiant attempts to somehow relate random songs I like to asexuality. Will this one, released in 1987 by the Sea Urchins, ever get old? I doubt it. This probably speaks to the conservative nature of today's popular music, at least in the genres I'm familiar with. (For a long time, I felt this impotent regret over the fact that I was never present at the birth of a new musical movement...and if I think about it, it's still pretty sad. I wonder if it'll ever happen, especially to someone who might be in their 30's or 40's by the time it does.)

At any rate, those little surf-rock flourishes get me every time.



"But you don't react like me--oh!"

Could Christine just be a misunderstood asexual?

"Friendless Summer"

(One of those admin notices: I'm going to be farming for about a week. Do farms have internet? I don't know, I've never been to a real one before. So comment moderation may be slow or nonexistent...just sayin'.)

Oh Lucksmiths, you were just so witty and lovely, and to top it all off, your singer actually enunciated. Too bad you broke up, but at least you have a large back catalogue to peruse. They tended to be great lyricists, and their music is perfect for, well, summer. Like this song. I found it here, while looking at some of the Matinee Recordings releases. The song is about something that has probably happened to all of us, regardless of orientation-- a friend that falls in love and suddenly becomes too busy to spend time with us anymore. However, as someone that doesn't do the whole "falling in love thing", I've always felt a little left-out that I'd never be on the other side. (Not like I would purposely ditch my friends, but it would be nice to know what the fuss was all about.) Now, it does sound like the narrator is actually in love with the person he's singing about...but it always hurts to lose a good friend, whether they're your secret crush or strictly platonic.

"Friendless Summer"
by the Lucksmiths
transcribed by me

Today of all days you decided
that you'd drop in uninvited
You were ever-so excited,
you were never so in love.
This time it's requited,
if i looked less than delighted
I was trying hard to hide it
but not trying hard enough.
Do do do do do do do do do.
That's fantastic, that's sarcastic
but forgive me the theatrics
I've been catching up on classics
and the springtime's been and gone.
And I didn't see the dangers
in hoping nothing ever changes
'til we said good bye like strangers
for the first time in so long. So long...
There's only me to blame,
but I'm lonely all the same.

Forgot to mention about the Lucksmiths: Australian accents! I mean, if that's a selling point for anyone.

Asexy Youtube channel beginning

Just wanted to make sure everyone knew about this new asexual-related Youtube channel. Audutions for regular participants are being held until May 1st, if anyone wants to submit a video. I'm always saying that we should create our own media in regards to asexuality, so I'm looking forward to seeing what people come up with for this project.

Also, I really want to do a cover of this song. "I think that you're neat" is, while not the apex of my thoughts about people I've had crushes on, pretty darn close. Although I'd never actually use the word "neat" (unless we're talking about housekeeping skills), you get the idea. It'd sound good on ukulele, I think...

I Like Being Left Alone

Today is another special day-- the day I finished my job assignment. So yes, I'm unemployed yet again, but after a year of full-time work, I'm happier about the free time than, well, last time around. In honor of that, and with thanks to the friend who clued me in to this song, is Robbie Fulks doing "I Like Being Left Alone". Even though in his banter (the song starts at about 1:45), Fulks says that the song speaks to those in middle age, I couldn't help but think about asexuals the first time I heard it-- how cool does that make us sound? Okay, not very. I know we're not all loners, far from it. But the flip side of loneliness is a pleasure at having some time to yourself in a crowded world, perhaps to savor some chocolate pie. Enjoy.

Year 4 of the Journey

Friday is my fourth aveniversary-- so it's about time for my asexual state of the union, I guess. I feel like such an event should involve a roaring fire, brandy, a leather chair, and perhaps a rumpled suit, however, I have none of these things. For me, aveniversaries represent more than joining AVEN, they represent being honest with myself. I'll admit, it's extremely hard, and there are probably a hundred things that I'm hopelessly in denial about. However, in at least one case-- the case of asexuality-- the curtain was lifted and I saw things clearly, despite all the interference and the odds. If I can celebrate magical oil next month, then I can definitely celebrate that. At year 4, I don't want to be something I'm not, but to be happy on my own terms, and that is progress.

And because I seem to DJ my life, here is a great state of the union song which Obama should probably use at some point, but won't. I don't understand the video at all, but I love the song. And, here is a great song about being honest with yourself (at least, that's how I interpret it). In this case, I don't understand the title of the song, but I love the song. Luckily, I think these songs make me happier than a leather chair ever could.

Thoughts on Love Songs

Listening to this song, "Falling in Love" by The Flower Machine, got me thinking about love songs. In my interview for the Chronicle, I remember being asked if I could relate to love songs. I wasn't really sure what to say at the time, because the answer is that I don't know. I haven't experienced romantic love or "falling in love" in the traditional sense, but I do enjoy love songs as long as they're not corny or cliche. I relate on some level, but it might not be the same level as someone who's fallen in love with another person. I feel like if it's a song I consider to be good, I sort of experience through the music what's being expressed in the song. I usually can't relate to the situations being described, but I can relate to the emotions behind them in some way. A while back, whenever I had something really difficult ahead of me, it would make me feel better to listen to a certain song that was about selling cocaine and hollering when you see cops. I couldn't relate to that situation AT ALL, but something about it struck me on an emotional level, the idea of striving against obstacles. I think it's the same idea with love songs. I have no evidence that on a basic level, my emotional experience differs much from anyone else's (at least, on the basis of sexuality). I think my love-song emotions just might get expressed through different channels. Music might be where these channels come together.

My all-time favorite love song has to be Billy Bragg's "Strange Things Happen". You can hear it on Youtube here, although the accompanying video appears to be a random tour of someone's garden. I'm a big fan of Billy Bragg in general (he also wrote my all-time favorite song on any topic, "A New England"), but I really don't know what it is about this song that makes it my favorite, at least as far as love songs go. Maybe it's because he's such a strong lyricist, but a lot of people are. I guess, like falling in love, the reason I like this song might exist somewhere separate from my ability to express it verbally. So, what's your favorite love song? I wonder if there could be any difference in the types of songs asexuals and sexuals choose. True, I'll never get a big enough sample here, but it would be interesting to know.

Gin and Platonic

Been too long since I've shared a song! This one, "Gin and Platonic" by the Smittens, is WAY too cutesy, even for me. But I do like the Smittens-- I saw them play a show last month, and was impressed that they played their best song (in my opinion) first. They also played this song "Gin and Platonic", which I thought was pretty asexual. Maybe it's about someone who's just bitter about love, but I happen to like my own interpretation of an extremely twee, asexual guy and his night out at the local dive. Much like the Alanis Morisette song, it's not entirely clear that this is an ironic situation, although it is a rhyming one. I'm going to try to do the world another service and transcribe some not-yet-existing on the 'net lyrics:

I spy with my little eye
Out of focus girl who's about to cry
I'll buy her a beer or two
that she can cry into
She says isn't it ironic
All you want is gin and platonic.

Relationships I never wanted
Relationships I have avoided
Gin and platonic never lets me down.

I spy with my little eye
A tiny crooked smile
She's about to...[my listening skills fail here...this could be the totally sexual part]
She'll buy me a beer or two
That I can cry into
She says isn't it ironic
All I want is gin and platonic.

Relationships I never wanted
Relationships I have avoided
Gin and platonic never lets me down.

You can listen to the song in the upper right hand corner of this page.

Sex on Fire!

The blog Feministing used to do a feature called "Feminist Guilty Pleasures", where they discussed such topics as gangsta rap and Easy-Bake Ovens. I thought about doing a similar series on "Asexual Guilty Pleasures", but I'm not too big on the concept of guilt. And the only real reason to be guilty about the song that inspired this post, the Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire", is because it's a song people have actually heard of (har, har). I just love this song though, I could probably listen to it about 10 times in a row. My all-time favorite song about sex, however, is probably Prince's "Little Red Corvette". Apparently Pixies' "Gigantic", another great song, is about sex, but I can't understand most of the lyrics, so I personally can't say. Some songs about sex and romance I really love, and others are unbearably corny or squicky to me. It's all in the execution.

I'm trying to think of more "asexual guilty pleasures", which I suppose are things that people might not think you'd like, being asexual and all, but you do anyway...anyone want to jump in with theirs?

Call It Ours

I totally adore this song, "Call it Ours" by the Legends. Guess where they're from? Sweden. Yeah, these Swedish people and their ace, ace (as the Europeans say) indiepop, how do they do it? Anyway, these are the only lyrics I can understand: "We could have whatever we need/ We could call it ours." Not a lot, but they still encapsulate the way I'd like to think about relationships.

Faking It

I seem to be in the mood for embarrassing admissions. On that note, I've always kind of liked the song "Crush" by Mandy Moore. This is for two reasons: First of all, it states what exactly a crush is, in no uncertain terms-- "I get a rush when I'm with you. I've got a crush on you". And second, it seems oddly asexual for a mainstream pop song, in that, like me, Mandy doesn't seem to have any plans for actually pursuing her crush. Much like the situation in this song, whenever I had a crush, I had no expectation that it would be mutual or lead to anything more than that.

But this post is a little more specific than crushes in general. I guess everyone fakes it to some extent, and asexuals are no different. The last crush I had, about four years ago, seemed to be largely inspired by the power of suggestion. I'd received an invitation to a party, and it was suggested that I bring whomever I had a crush on. This made me feel bad, because what, did everyone have a crush besides me? Was having a crush really so standard? So I sat around listening to Weezer's "El Scorcho", which happens to be about a massive crush. Of course, I wanted a crush of my own, so I somehow developed one on the next guy I saw. Although this was my only sucessful "manufactured" crush thus far, what I felt was real-- I did, indeed, get a rush when I was with him. (Although, like all my crushes, I'm no longer sure why I liked him so much.)

Another crush I had was inspired by a boring work environment. And now, I'm stuck in one again. I found myself wishing I had a crush on one of my co-workers, which would make the day pass in a more exciting way. The only problem? I would have to make one up, since it wasn't presenting itself organically. Here's how I went about it: I decided to target straight men, since they would be the most numerous group. I didn't want to have a crush on someone who had no chance of ever reciprocating. So, I zeroed in on one of the very few youngish, straight men in our office. I chose this particular guy, let's call him Pablo, because he dressed fairly well and seemed like a genuinely nice person. He also shared a name with an infamous celebrity, which I found highly amuisng. So now all I had to do was...wait? Whenever Pablo passed by my cubicle, I tried to conjure some giggly, schoolgirly twitter deep within my core. But mostly, this was just funny, not crushworthy. After that, and sure that Pablo was not attempting to do the same thing, I was, like Mandy Moore, not sure how to proceed.

But there was a larger obstacle. I wasn't sure how to conjure up a crush in such a sterile, unlovable environment. I mean, what do you think of in a place like this:


Large armies of zombies hyped up on caffeine? Overthrowing capitalism? Aren't crushes, at their heart, sort of about hope, and cubicles are sort of...not? However, I'm hoping that my constant efforts to decorate my portion of my cubicle will make me an object of affection around the office. I guess I'll have to save my own crushes for after hours.

Mixtape for Inanimate Objects

A long time ago, I made this mix in honor of a (now married) friend's statement: There is too much romance in songs. I decided to make a mix all about love songs to inanimate objects. However, it sort of rotted on the vine, since I made it way too hard for myself. Here were the rules:

1. No songs about places-- that's a mix in itself.
2. No songs about cars-- that's also a mix in itself.
3. I could include non-car vehicles, but no more than one song about each type.

I think it's pretty obvious how I only came up with 7 songs. This was the best one: Darren Hanlon's "The Kickstand Song", which is all about the enterprising person who devised the bicycle kickstand. Others were:

"Television" by Robyn Hitchcock. I think this song is about how television is creepy. But it's also an unrequited love song...to TV.
"Speeding Motorcycle" by Yo la Tengo (originally by Daniel Johnston). Pretty obvious. This song has great lyrics: "We don't need reason and we don't need logic, 'cause we have feeling and we're damn proud of it."
"Enola Gay" by Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark. Again, kind of creepy because this song is about the plane that bombed Japan in World War II. So I'm not sure if it's really a love song. But it's just a good song, and about such a strange inanimate object that I had to include it.
"A Summer Wasting" by Belle and Sebastian, which doesn't seem quite relevant (summer and indolence are a little abstract for this mix), but having six songs was just too pathetic.
"Truck Train Tractor" by the Pastels. Getting a few objects in at once! This song doesn't make much sense lyrically, but it is, believe it or not, a pretty great song to dance around to.
"Wheelz of Steel" by Outkast. A love song to turntables.

I may have to revisit this mix and find more songs. It seemed like such a good idea at the time...

I Used to Love H.E.R.

You might find this hard to believe, but some hip-hop songs are really, really asexual. While hip-hop does deal a lot with sex, it's one of the most unromantic genres of music. Besides a few cases like "I Got You", hip-hop songs are usually, for lack of a better word, aromantic. Discussions of sex are usually so formulaic; hearing someone say "I want to touch your booty" (or whatever) has become the equivalent of "la la la". And then there's a song like "I Used to Love H.E.R.". Apparently, "H.E.R." stands for "Hip-hop in its essence and real". In the song, the woman mentioned is actually hip-hop. And it really touched a nerve. You'll see lovers-to-be trading rhymes from the song in the movie Brown Sugar, and you'll often hear a rapper riff off the "I'm committed" line. "I met this girl when I was 10 years old" suddenly became shorthand for this whole (pretty darn asexual) thing. Sex is used as a methaphor here, but isn't it the same for us? ("Sex is like chocolate cake/soccer/chandaliers/puppies etc) Even though I haven't had a crush on anyone for years, for some reason my favorite metaphorical explanation still seems to be: "So, say you have a crush on someone, and..." I'm not a big fan of Common in general, but I have to say, this particular song is a good one. It's long though, so here's the first verse:

I Used to Love H.E.R.
by Common

I met this girl, when I was ten years old
And what I loved most she had so much soul
She was old school, when I was just a shorty
Never knew throughout my life she would be there for me
Ont he regular, not a church girl she was secular
Not about the money, no studs was mic checkin her
But I respected her, she hit me in the heart
A few new york niggaz, had did her in the park
But she was there for me, and I was there for her
Pull out a chair for her, turn on the air for her
And just cool out, cool out and listen to her
Sittin on a bone, wishin that I could do her
Eventually if it was meant to be, then it would be
Because we related, physically and mentally
And she was fun then, I'd be geeked when shed come around
Slim was fresh yo, when she was underground
Original, pure untampered and down sister
Boy I tell ya, I miss her

I still remember (and this was years ago) sitting around with two friends. I mostly listened to hip-hop at the time, and another friend mostly listened to hard rock-type stuff. The third friend complained, "Why are all songs about love? It's SO ANNOYING!" or something along those lines. And we both replied, "You're listening to the wrong music!" If you're tired of birds suddenly appreaing every time so-and-so is near, luckily, you do have other options.

Mix Tape = Love

Well, I lose at this whole "post less often" thing...what else am I supposed to do with my time? I finally found something to do with my time, but it doesn't start until December. Maybe I'll post less then. Anyway, I made a mixtape with many songs that I've written about here, and others that seemed to have a relevant theme. It's mostly pop/rock, with some hip-hop in the middle. Anyway, if you have something you need to accomplish today, don't go to the Mixwit site. Trust me, just don't. And don't have this be one of those things where you get so curious that you do it anyway. Really.

Sorry for Laughing

About time for a song here, maties.
I wrote about "Sorry to Embarrass You", so I might as well discuss its spiritual brother, "Sorry for Laughing", by Josef K, a Scottish post-punk-pop band from the early '80s. They were on the legendary Postcard record label along with Orange Juice, which I (sort of) wrote about here. "Sorry for Laughing" is really the only Josef K song in which I can understand most of the lyrics. At any rate, the internet comes to my aid for this one, although people seem to have slightly different interpretations:

"Sorry for Laughing"
by Josef K, 1980
[Lyrics from Songmeanings.net]

It took ten years to realize
Why the angels start to cry
When you roll on down the lane
Your happy smile, your funny name

I'm not being mean, so don't take it hard
When I ask you to run round the yard

It’s so hopeless to close the blinds
You know I’d help you if I could, but both my arms are made of wood

Just don't mean the things that I say
It's only 'cause you're made that way

Sorry for laughing
There's too much happening
Sorry for laughing
There's too much happening

When we grooved on into town
Charles Atlas stopped to frown
'Cause he's not made like me and you
Just can't do the things we do

You know it’s times like these you have to pay
So sorry to turn on that way

Experience the song for yourself (via Youtube) here! (OMG cute '80s Scottish boys!)

What can I say about such a great, enigmatic song? Well, most songs seem to convey strong feelings about relationships. But "Sorry for Laughing", like "Sorry to Embarrass You", expresses an ambivalence that in my experience, is rare in the world of music. (But common among asexuals.) Since it's hard to find a song (well, besides "The Way I Am") that explicitly deals with asexual issues, we'll have to make do with lines like "both my arms are made of wood". (And maybe this song seemed vaguely asexy to me because I always thought the preceding line was "I would hold you if I could".)

There's another Josef K track called "Heart of Song", in which the only lyrics I can make out are:

There are so many pathways that lead to the heart.
Records and letters are one place to start.

And they continue to emphatically state, "There are so many pathways that lead to the heart!" I really like that.

I was also fascinated to discover that the person who added the "Sorry for Laughing" lyrics to Songmeanings.net is 4 years younger than me. Does anyone else remotely around my age listen to this music?

History: Asexual Rebellion

[Above: Talulah Gosh, 1987]

So, while trying to find some conclusive evidence pertaining to the sexuality of (Orange Juice frontman) Edwyn Collins (sure, he's been called asexual in reviews, but those are rumors! I need more!) I found this:

What is never considered by such rockists is the inherently political nature of C86. The deliberate return to the state of innocence by C86 bands was a revolt against the traditional rock mentality. Calling your band BMX Bandits or releasing a single called My Best Friend was to stick two fingers up at rock orthodoxy. The asexual appearance of, for example, Talulah Gosh’s two female members was to negate the received opinion of women in pop as sex objects far more powerfully than Helen Reddy singing I Am Woman or Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive. C86 produced women who not only didn’t believe in rock’s gender hierarchy, they didn’t need it.

From Fire Escape Talking.

(FYI: C86 is just another term for what's now known as "twee" or "indiepop" music. It got its name from a compilation cassette given away by the British music mag NME. Orange Juice wasn't on the C86 tape, but it operated in the same genre as the bands that were. Wikipedia also explains. And it also says that Collins has a wife and kid...but that doesn't really prove anything. Further, some C86-influenced bands you've probably heard of--Fire Escape cites Belle & Sebastian, the Cardigans and the Shins-- have even gone mainstream in recent years.)

I just realized that in the chronology of my life, my discovery of indiepop paired up almost perfectly with my realization that I was ace. Coincidence?

Sure, C86 music was never on MTV, but we do have something that could be called a history in pop culture. You just have to look for it, and, okay...infer a little.

Music is My Girlfriend

The Slumberland podcast has yet again introduced me to one of my new favorite bands. I don't know how they do it! This band is called Let's Wrestle, and they have a song called "Music is My Girlfriend". This is a concept I can really relate to, as I often think of music as my significant other. (But don't worry guys/ladies-- the more the merrier!) I even remember the general date when we became "serious"-- around Labor Day of 2002. I'd always loved music, but this was the time when I realized that I could discover music beyond what was on the radio. Again, I'm attempting to add more lyrics to the internet canon. I made a valiant effort at translating drawling British boys; luckily it's a very short song:

Music is my Girlfriend
by Let's Wrestle

It's not cool to be nice
So I won't be nice
It's not cool to be modest
So I wont be modest.
It's not cool to like Leo Sayer
So I won't listen to Leo Sayer
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.
Sometimes I think that I'm trying too hard
But why would I be trying too hard?
I am never trying too hard (?)
I don't even need to try.
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.
Music is my girlfriend (3x)
And I would do anything for her.

This is the band's Myspace, and this is the label site with a painfully short sample of the song. "I Won't Lie to You" is also the jam.

There's definitely a precedent for love songs about music, especially in hip-hop. I mean damn, "I used to love H.E.R.?" I can't even count the number of times that song has been referenced in other places, and I think most folks who have ever been in love with hip-hop can quote some portions of it. I'm trying to think of a woman who has performed a romantic/personal ode to music, and I can't. Can you?

Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em)

You know you're A when you're watching the new Busta Rhymes video, and all you can think about is how it's probably the most inadvertently asexual rap song you've heard in awhile. The chorus is, "Don't touch me, you might burn yourself." I feel like most songs would have something like, "Touch me because I'm hot", but this one is the opposite. Huh. Busta doesn't want random people touching him in clubs, and I don't either. But it does get messy throwing all that water on them.

Oh yeah, forgot the link. Durr.

Some review of the Sex & the City movie (SWOON!) coming soon...

I Wouldn't Know What To Do

More lyrics dissemination. This song by Swedish group (yeah, yeah, I have a thing) The Honeydrips perfectly describes the way I felt when I had a crush on someone. I had an urge to be near this person, but God only knows what we'd do if we were ever alone together. Which we never really were. Sigh. Even the end: "I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do" applied to my situation-- I just didn't know what "get you" entailed in my case, which made the whole thing a little confusing Here's an excerpt of the lyrics:

I Wouldn't Know What To Do
By The Honeydrips
circa 2007

For a week or two
I've been dreaming about you
And your lovely smile...
Oh, 15 minutes with you
10 minutes with you
5 minutes with you
I wouldn't know what to do.

The actual song can, for once, be found on the band's Myspace page.

Rotterdam

I promised you the extremely asexy song "Rotterdam", so here you have it. It comes from the fantastic album "Seamonsters" by the Wedding Present (1991), which you really should own. It was produced by my musical hero, Steve Albini, and achieves a fierce moroseness that's kind of amazing (although not for every mood). Although "Rotterdam" comes between songs with titles like "Suck" and "Lovenest", it'll be fairly obvious why I'm profiling it:

Rotterdam
by the Wedding Present

I thought you'd come round
And I know how this will sound
I said so much yesterday that I shouldn't have
So what did I do
After I talked to you?
I should've gone home straightaway but I couldn't have
Oh, I stayed with you and my heart began to sink
I wanted you but not the way you think.
So what did I say
Didn't mean it anyway
And I don't want anything that I should do.
I know you're sad
Believe me, I'm feeling bad
If I could change everything then I would do
Oh I stayed with you and my heart began to sink
I wanted you but not the way you think.

Emphasis mine. Here is someone covering the song. Sorry, best I could do. Hope you're having a good Memorial Day, everyone...