Even though I haven't written about it for awhile, I still think coming out is crucial for asexuals. (And here's why I think so.) I realized about two minutes ago that there are two ways to come out, "active" and "passive". Coming out actively is sitting people down for "the talk" or otherwise working a variation of "I'm asexual" into a conversation. This type of coming out unfairly gets all the glory. There is also a passive form of coming out, which basically involves putting information out there and waiting for people to find it. When I first started identifying as asexual, I tried to come out actively. But now, I've switched entirely to the passive method, which pretty much involves giving people the link to this blog. There's always the risk that people won't look or be interested, but if they're a friend, they'll probably put two and two together. So if you haven't already, try the passive method. Make a blog post, send people a link to a website, write a note. There's nothing shameful about using the passive method-- that's why I'm trying to promote it. It all depends on your personal style. This poll on AVEN showed that the vast majority of respondents were introverts, for which the passive method might work better.
And, in case you missed it, here was my list of ways to come out in the 21st century.
If Coming Out Day isn't enough for you, tomorrow is the Asexuality Visibility and Education Day (AVED). Apparently, the official Asexuality Day is May 29th (who knew? I didn't). But, AVED is designed specifically for students to spread awareness at their school (Although it's a Sunday...but I guess that doesn't matter so much at colleges. Seriously, I wish I was still at school just so I could spread my asexual missives to a captive audience.). Trust me folks, special days are good. They're what press releases are made on. So know and keep these holidays...hopefully, we'll soon figure out how to celebrate them.
5 comments:
My boyfriend's birthday is on National Coming Out Day, which always leads to some interesting conversations. ;)
My hope is that in the future people won't feel compelled to "come out" to every individual in their life because people will no longer make the hetero-normative assumption that a) everyone is straight and b) that everyone has a desire for sex at all.
well i might have been a little early, i told my friend yesterday that im questioning as to whether im asexual.
Aww, I missed it! At least coming out isn't actually a time-sensitive thing. What you wrote about the passive method is interesting. I have a hard time bringing it up in conversation, but I'm also not sure whether I could just link people to my blog and not be there with them when they find out to see how they react and answer their questions. I guess I still need to find out what works best for me. I agree with you that coming out is crucial, though. It's likely that most people we tell won't know any other asexuals and that we'll have to educate them, but once we do, then they all become people who know an asexual and can educate others if necessary.
SQ, I agree. A world without heteronormative assumptions would be better, but it'll be a looong time coming. E_E, it's funny, I actually don't want to be there when people ask questions. Honestly, I get frustrated by most people's questions and feel that they should just get with the 21st century and ask Wikipedia. I want people to feel free to ask me questions, but I also want to feel free not to answer them-- and I usually feel obligated to, which makes me really uncomfortable. Anyway, that's a long story for another time...
And yay, Q_U! I hope your friend was supportive.
I guess I was thinking in terms of my close friends, many of whom I haven't told yet. I wouldn't want to announce it to the world through Facebook or something without first having the conversation with each of them. But once I've done that, I agree that it would be better to make people look it up themselves and not ask me embarrassing personal questions. I'm pretty sure I would actually hate answering a lot of the typical questions coming from anyone I wasn't good friends with, and, like you said, I would probably feel obligated to answer them as well, which would make me frustrated and bitter. So once I've told a few specific people, I think I'll go with the "put it out there and make them Google it" approach.
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