In a previous post back in December, I covered some of the reasons why I have a hard time doing online dating. But I missed a huge one: My own fear. While some people might be afraid of meeting strangers from the internet, or of their co-workers seeing their profile, I fear my old nemesis: The ignorant masses. The history books seem like one long story of different ignorant masses doing different stupid things. We’ve always encountered them. However, before the internet, we’ve never encountered them during dating. If I say on an online dating profile that I’m ace, I’m setting myself up to receive every stupid message from the front lines of the ignorant. However, if I don’t, when and how am I supposed to bring it up? On the first date, between conversation about siblings and our favorite colors?
I think that in the world of online dating, most people are looking for someone that they’ll click with right off the bat. But what if you’re unclickable? I think the best people for asexuals to date are people we already know. People who are already somewhat invested in us would be more willing to take on an unconventional relationship. Another reason I can’t date online is because I’m not all in. And it seems like there's little room for the unsure. I oscillate between wanting to date and not wanting to. For me, dating seems unnatural, like a formal banquet. Like the etiquette dinner I attended in college ("like a ship goes out to sea, I spoon my soup away from me"), I'll try anything once. I wish I could go on one date (which I've already done-- two in fact!) and say that I'd had the experience, but dating isn't like bungee jumping (or maybe it is for other reasons). But my reason is that dating isn't a one-time event, it's a mission. One that I'm not sure I want to undertake. I expect I'll be ambivalent about it for a long time to come.