Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Things Asexuals Like: Long-Distance Relationships

Damn flu season, messing with my blogging. The viruses have whisked away my inhibitions, leading me to admit that I've read both of the "Stuff White People Like" books. I thought the second one, Whiter Shades of Pale, was funnier. At any rate, in that book, Christian Lander writes that white people like long-distance relationships. He calls LDRs "extremely slow breakups" and writes that "an incredible 1oo percent" of LDRs have failed. This, of course, is not the case for asexuals.

The main reason why asexuals like LDRs is a practical one-- if you're asexual and want to date another ace, finding such a person in your general vicinity is very difficult. So, why not expand your search criteria to include "the world"? Last time I was on Acebook, I believe there were only one or two people in my entire state who were interested in women. And we're not talking Rhode Island here. Once the LDR has begun, it's probably easier for two asexuals to maintain it, since there is less concern about cheating and with people getting their sexual needs met.

Apparently, the viruses also cause me to state the obvious.

While I've never been in a romantic LDR, I have many long-distance friends. I value and care about these friends, and don't want our relationship to die just because of distance. But, there are some particular issues to the long-distance friendship. Like with friends, there's no standard for frequency of communication. While I don't want to impose on people by talking to them too frequently, I also don't want people to think I've forgotten them. And, unlike romantic LDRs, where you are probably planning to live in the same place at some point, you may never live in the same place as your platonic LDRs. In these days of increased mobility, most people seem to have long-distance family as well. But for some, of course, that might be exactly how they like it.


Julio said...

This romantic non-romantic confusion thing is always so fun.

Miss Paramecium said...

Oh, yes of course. I haven't even thought of this for some time. Now, after I have labelled myself "asexual", it makes perfect sense why I never understood people's concers.
Since I'm graduating in June, I hear many of my friends worrying about leaving their significant other behind to work as au pair or simply travel around, which is a quite common thing to do before college. Of course, I keep nodding and encouraging, but deep down I always think, "what's the big deal?"
I'm also a case of Long Distance Family, and my cousin, living some hours aways, is also my best friend I don't see that often.
I think not being a very touchy person (sexually or otherwise) has quite some advantages, because you don't depend on your immediate surroundings and you really have no reason to think that friends you don't meet are less "real" than the people next door.

Huh, okay, I don't know who'd read all this, but whatever. I hope those nasty viruses go away fast.

Lanafactrix said...

I certainly get along better with some of my family when we're 3000 miles apart.

My previous relationship was LD, and there were some definite advantages. For example, my time was my own; if I felt like getting McDonalds for dinner or watching Law & Order in my pajamas all day long, I didn't have to do any justifying to anyone.

ghosts said...

Hm, I'm not that into long-distance relationships. I can be close to people who live far away from me & I have plenty of friends who are, but generally, I need people to be around. It's much more difficult to maintain a close relationship with someone if I can only talk to them on the phone, through letters, or on the internet. The people I'm closest to most often tend to live nearby.

Ily said...

@Julio: I like your attitude.

@Miss Paramecium: Well, I read all my comments. As for being "touchy", I'd say that I'm lower than average. But since I don't really like talking on the phone especially, I do sense a big difference between far-away and close-by people.

@Lanafactrix: Yeah. Even when I lived an hour or two from some family members (versus across the country), I still only saw them a few times a year. Sometimes, long-distance isn't necessarily that far.

@Ghosts: I agree. While I'd guess that LDRs are more common for asexuals, I doubt that many people actually prefer them. I don't think that I would.