Although I kept complaining about how vague it was, I found Communion extremely thought-provoking, providing even more blog fodder than I originally anticipated...
In our chat, I talked with Fellmama about "passively accepting", but not loving, my body. I wanted to talk about the reasons why I hadn't loved my body, because they seem fairly different from the reasons I hear from a lot of women who aren't asexual. I didn't think I was too fat. I didn't care about being seen as sexy, sexually desirable, or feminine. If someone failed to love me, I knew that my resoundingly average body was probably not to blame. If it was, then that person is a sillyhead. I know that people of all shapes and sizes are able to find and keep friends and romantic partners. Before I knew I was asexual, I thought my looks were to blame for my never dating. But I let go of this idea when over the years, I saw people of every possible physical description get dates. Yeah, there are some things about my body I would change, but they didn't exactly keep me up at night.
What bothered me, though, is that our culture is constantly sexualizing and gendering my body. As I mentioned to Fellmama, appreciation of female bodies is almost always in a sexual context. I disagree with the gender binary, and I hate gender roles. And yet people will slap these on me, due to my female body. But the thing is...no matter how I looked, people would try to place me in a gender box. Even with people who look very androgynous, the general response is rarely, "Oh! An androgyne", but "Is that a boy or a girl?" While bell hooks makes no mention whatsoever of nonbinary people, she did lead me to this realization: I don't want to change my body, but how my body is seen. I want people to approach my body without the preconceived notions of gender. But if the world isn't ready, then that isn't the fault of my body.
(Locals, don't forget! Pride parade is this weekend, and you can get more details here.)