Sunday, July 3, 2011

Hobbit Acceptance Project: Conundrums

I had no idea what kind of response I would get on the first HAP post, but it was fantastic. I so appreciated your support, encouragement, and commiseration. Much love.

Things I've learned since I have started, strangely enough, to think about body hair:
  • Because so many people of all genders remove or conceal their hair, no one knows what "normal" is. The internet is full of women asking, "Is it normal to have hair on my feet/chest/stomach/face/back?" And I don't have a clue. Nor do I have any idea what is "normal" for my ethnicity. There seems to be some agreement that Mediterranean and Eastern European peoples are especially hairy (I am a mix of both), but what does that even mean? (Aside from the fact that what's "sexy" on our heads is repulsive on our bodies.) When people know that they're "normal", it's much easier to not worry as much about whatever the issue may be. With the case of body hair, we never get that relief.

  • It's easier to show leg hair than armpit hair. I think this is probably because we're more used to seeing leg hair--mostly on men, but still. At least in my area, men with hairy legs wear shorts most places. However, men with hairy armpits only show them in the most casual settings--the gym, for instance, or the beach. American culture doesn't tend to have positive associations with men in sleeveless shirts. Uhh, the phrase 'wifebeater' comes to mind.

  • Which leads to my conundrum. Women can show their armpits whenever, wherever, in even the most formal occasions. But the expectation, of course, is that the armpits are hairless. In the centuries before women started shaving, female clothes were much less revealing. Do I shave to wear some clothes (perhaps more fancy or formal ones) and not others? Do I change the types of things that I wear? Or do I proceed as usual with my wardrobe, unshaven? I haven't yet answered these questions for myself.
At any rate, the HAP continues apace. I continue to wear my rolled-up jeans, shorts, and even wore a skirt one day. I did wear a sleeveless shirt on two occasions, but no one really saw me on those days. No evidence yet than anyone has particularly noticed or cared about any of these things, although I still feel apprehensive that I'm going to get rude comments. Maybe I should try to change my thinking and make it my goal to get rude comments. Then if I get them, I could feel vindicated rather than diminished. I have always shied away from making people uncomfortable, but sometimes it's impossible to make a statement, whether social or artistic, without doing that. Although if no one ever says anything...that would be perfectly fine!

14 comments:

Jillian said...

I had a teacher in middle school who didn't shave under her arms, and she wore sleeveless dresses and didn't care. Kids would sometimes make comments, sometimes call her a hippie, but it wasn't too bad.

Myself, I'm genderless, but people see me as female. I don't shave anything, but I also wear long pants and underarm-covering shirts all the time. Not because I have hair, but because that's what I like wearing.

When I'm at the beach I wear a rashguard for a shirt to keep me from getting sunburned, so nobody sees my hair then, either. The hair on my legs is pale enough that nobody can see it anyway, but I don't care if they see it. I kind of want them to see it and question themselves for a split second.

Huh. Wonder what would happen if I wore something sleeveless? Maybe I'll join you as an experiment.

Ily said...

@Jillian: Thanks for the comment! Hopefully you're living somewhere that it doesn't get too hot...it tends to stay pretty cool where I am, but we do have a few hot weeks in summer. Swimwear can get complicated. When I shaved my legs and underarms, I felt like I was *still* breaking social norms by wearing a 2-piece suit because I had...oh, the humanity...stomach hair. I know a lot of people shave or wax their stomachs, but that was just way too much shaving for one day in a swimsuit. Now, I feel like stomach hair is the least of my problems. ;) Viva experimentation!

Anonymous said...

i guess in the general removal of hair regardless of gender is that everyone is buying into some sort of objectivication. in so may magazines there is so much writing on still being 'desired' as social acceptence, in some ways im glad men are under this pressure too, but to be honest why don't we all lay off the pressure, hair or no hair on head/body, so what, unless it is pointing to some sort of major illness, enjoy the diversity, we keep being told we are more diverse in western society, but i guess it is only if the diversity is in fashion

Rem Anon said...

I don't think you should be making it a goal to get reactions. I feel like that would defeat the purpose of your project. Shoving the violation of a social norm in someone's face isn't exactly a great way to get people to ACCEPT said "violation." Acceptance typically doesn't come when forced.

Ily said...

@Anonymous: For real. And then, being asexual, I'm wondering what the point is to expend all this effort "increasing my desirability" for basically no reward.

@Rem Anon: I tend to be terrified of any kind of criticism, so with that statement, I was trying to use a sort of cognitive-behavioral technique to show that my anxiety might not be as well-founded as I think. I don't intend to force my views on other people...that is definitely not how I roll. Thanks for getting me to explain that further, since I don't think it was totally clear.

Adelene said...

Regarding 'normal' - it seems to me that you should be able to just assume that whatever hair you grow is normal, at least for you and probably in general. (Probabilistically speaking, the normal thing is the most likely thing to happen, because that's what normal means.)

Also, if you're talking about peoples' perception of normal, it might help to remember that they probably aren't in any better of a position to judge than you are. Say for example you run into someone who doesn't grow belly hair. Obviously, either you or the other person is not normal, but you have no way of knowing whether it's you or them, and most likely neither do they, so why assume you're the one who's weird?

Ily said...

@Adelene: "Normal" is an interesting concept (or at least, I think so). When I read the book "Sex is not a natural act" a long time ago, the writer came up with 5 different definitions of normal: Subjective, statistical, idealistic, cultural, and clinical. (Yeah, I pulled the book out, I didn't memorize all these ;) In terms of body hair, I feel like "normal" tends to be idealistic--we seem to compare ourselves with media images for the most part.

Anonymous said...

Go sleeveless if you want! Underarm hair isn't any "worse" than leg hair, and anyone who thinks otherwise has the problem.

Personally, I do a lot of shaving, but I think it's great when people who don't want to remove their body hair aren't afraid to let it be seen. :)

Ily said...

@Anon: It's true, what makes some hair "more acceptable" than other hair is pretty arbitrary. Like, why is it "okay" socially for women to have arm hair, but not leg hair? It's weird.

Emily said...

I love this idea. BTW you should totally check out hairypitsclub.tumblr.com for some inspiration :D

Ily said...

@Emily: I am totally following that Tumblr (Tumblog?!). Thanks for sharing!

Rem Anon said...

There's one other thing I keep forgetting to share, despite how relevant it is. My mom has actually never shaved her upper legs - from below the knee, she does, but not from the knee up. So far as I know, no one's ever said anything to her about it. :) Personally, I think that says something.

Wonktnodi said...

A quick thank you for inspiring me to go hiking in shorts, unshaved. First time I've shown my legs without having shaved since my early teens. Of course in a place I was sure I wouldn't know anybody, but still a big step.
Thank you :)

Ily said...

@Rem Anon: I've rarely shaved my upper legs as well...amazingly, they're not that hairy. If such a thing can be believed ;)

@Wonktnodi: That IS a big step! It's definitely not always easy. I'm very glad to be of service! :)