Sunday, January 27, 2008

I Got Dressed for This?

Today's monthly meetup was at Zante's Indian (and Pizza); I thought people would be raring to go on such a culinary adventure. In actuality, no one came! Our friend from KPFA made a brief cameo appearance, and I felt awfully bad that she didn't have a group to talk with. Our local e-mail list now has a very respectable 31 people, and not one of them was able to make it out. So I ate Indian pizza by myself (Ever eaten something that tastes pretty good, but you feel like you have to eat it quickly before you overthink what it really is? Indian pizza is like that). Then I wandered through Big Lots (where I could easily blow my paycheck-- luckily they closed early) in a food coma. At Zante, I ordered a beer and didn't even get carded; I guess the hard realities of meetup-organizing age a person.
So why didn't anyone show? Was it the rainy weather? (Although, this is 2008 and we have things like umbrellas now.) Was it just bad luck? Was it my bad, did I not remind people enough or soon enough? Were people scared of Indian pizza and/or Bernal Heights? Were people put off by the last-minute prospect of a radio presence? Was everyone terribly hungover, or had the flu, or had to take their cats to the vet?
After talking to the fellow asexual event-planner from Portland, along with my own Checkovian sense of general despair, I'm starting to think that maybe there's nothing I can do. Maybe it's just that not enough asexuals want to meet each other. Not everyone thinks the way I do and wants what I want; I acknowledge that. But if this is incorrect, what am I doing wrong?

13 comments:

The Impossible K said...

That seriously sucks. I'm sorry no one showed up. If I lived within a hundred miles, I would have come...
I love San Francisco, so if you host another meetup, maybe I can use that as my excuse to visit... assuming I can find the $$ that is.
:)

Ily said...

Thanks K. I know there are lots of people who are psyched about the whole meetup thing-- they just seem to all be in different places!

fluffy said...

It was a combination of reasons why I didn't show up. I was pretty tired yesterday and had to take an afternoon nap, after which I felt pretty groggy and foul. Then it was raining and pretty windy and I didn't like the prospect of walking multiple miles in such for the bus or BART or whatever. Then, I was also reevaluating what value there is in a meetup - I'm not really big on the whole "community" aspect of things. I mean, I appreciate that a community exists for the visibility aspect of it, but I don't really feel that I need to be a part of a "street team" or whatever. So, yeah, the last-minute "vox pop" thing was a definite turn-off.

I basically look forward to the day when orientation is just an attribute rather than a defining characteristic, and I don't want to be defined by my orientation. Every GLBT group I've hung out with has ended up being very political and scorched-earth, and whenever I've dared to say something like "I don't really see the point to a gay pride parade anymore, why not just fit into society now?" that's led to insane levels of conflict and polarization.

Ily said...

Fluffy, thanks for your honesty. I really appreciate it. I think that many-- if not most-- A-s feel the way you do. I've always been very into "community", literally since childhood. I don't know why people feel all different sorts of ways about these things, but it seems that militant community-building As are in the minority. I wonder if the gay community is similar, and the reason they seem so much more active is because we only hear about the politically active people.

fluffy said...

Yeah, I wanted to give better reasons last night but SMS messages are limited in size and as great as my phone is, it doesn't have a proper keyboard. :)

Sorry you were there alone... I kind of figured that might have been the case when you SMSed me again at 7:20.

oOoRabiesoOo said...

Nobody came?? Zante's is one of my favorite places to eat in the city. I totally would have come. Let us know if you want to plan another one of these. how many people generally come to these things? i'm in a sort of lurk-ey place right now, but i'm intruiged...

Ily said...

Hi Rabies, good to see you here! I usually post about meetups here on AVEN:
http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=24993
Or in this Yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bay_A_Team/
Feel free to join and lurk there if you'd like. :-)
Meetups are always the last Sunday of the month; I thought that would be easier for people to remember.
Numbers at meetups have ranged from 1 to 6.

Bri said...

I'm a community kind of person, but since I'd have to take a train and bus down to SF and most of my weekends are taken up anyway it's hard to attend.

Hopefully I'll make it to one someday.

Ily said...

Hey Bri, thanks for stopping by Ye Olde Asexy Beast! I know what you mean; I don't drive anymore and can barely get to the other side of SF, let alone other cities. Where are you located?

Bri said...

Hey, I'm up in Davis for school, though normally I live in San Jose. Either way I'm a bit far, especially since I don't drive either.

Ily said...

Ah, I see...2 of my best pals from high school went to Davis. I think you would be covered by the Sacramento-area meetup territory...all you need is someone interested in organizing them!

Coleslaw said...

I would have been there had I not been here! I miss SF terribly...

In regards to organizing these things, I think the reason Vancouver has had so much luck is that we're full of universities with hip-and-with-it A kids. We're all close to the same age and enjoy hanging out as friends and meet-up partners alike. You've probably already done this, but Pride groups on campuses might be the way to go here...

Hugs and cake for you, Ily!

Ily said...

We miss you too, Cole! I know you would have come had you been in the same country. :-)