The HAP: Summer Edition!

It's starting to feel like summer here in the Bay Area, which makes young women's minds turn to...leg hair.  Of course.  The Hobbit Acceptance Project, by the way, is almost a year old now.  I can finally say that my leg and armpit hair look normal to me...like part of my body, rather than some hideous alien invader.  But this did take quite a while--at least six months.

I don't feel comfortable being hairy at work...maybe there are some jobs where it would be seen as okay, but mine wouldn't be counted among those.  The past couple of weekends, I did have hairy legs on display, to no incident.  That said though, if you can't have hairy legs at an Occupy picnic, a feminist meeting, or a vegan-cheese-buying expedition, where can you have them?  Being hairy does require more thought for me.  Some days I struggle with more anxiety than others, and can feel like everyone is staring at me.  I have to check in with myself about how much I want to stand out or blend in, based on my emotional state and the nature of the day's activities.

And here's a post about someone doing a similar project, although theirs is called "The Experiment".  Like this person, I was also told by a well-meaning relative to delay shaving my legs, since "once you start, you can't stop!"  Free choice, eh?  I think I was around 13.  Maybe for the next generation, we can move into, "Well, if you don't want kids to make fun of you, you might want to shave, but once you're an adult, it'll be easier to do what you want."  It's probably a good thing that I shaved as a teen, since the last thing I needed was one more reason to be bullied.

Elsewhere on the 'net, I heard a woman mention that reading stories from genderqueer people helped her to accept her body hair.  To that I can say: Indeed.  Reading the blog My Gender is Kittens, where the writer documents what they call a "femme beard", helped me move towards accepting my own.  Believe it or not, I don't have any kind of mustache.  But if you do...Majestic Legay.  Style icon right there.

"It feels like the most femme thing for me...it's like resistance to the shame that I was made to feel because I had hair on my face...this mustache for me is a form of resistance...It's been a process of healing."
 --Majestic Legay

So, whatever happened with the Hobbit Acceptance Project?

The Hobbit Acceptance Project continues apace. I guess these sorts of things never truly end. Since the start of the project in June, I've only shaved my legs and armpits a couple of times. Mostly to wear a bathing suit and to wear a dress at a fancy restaurant, things I was still not comfortable doing while hairy. I decided to take a tip from Beth Terry and obtain an old-school safety razor for the times that I did want to shave. One reason I don't like shaving is because I don't want to support companies that bombard me with "smooth legs = beauty!" advertising. So, shaving with an antique is one solution to that, although it's not as user-friendly as the plastic multi-blade models. While I'd heard horror stories of people cutting themselves with safety razors, I haven't had that problem. If anything, I cut myself less.

Anyway, I'm a lot more comfortable "going out with stubble" on my legs now, as I mentioned in my first post on body hair. I barely notice the stubble now. When I do shave my legs or armpits, they look strange to me. My loyal following of Hairy Pits Club has shown me that like all hobbits, I'm hairier than 99% of the female population (although I think some of this has to do with self-selection...not everyone chooses to post their pits online). No, I don't have a hormone imbalance or anything...this is just how I roll. I've decided that I can't abide my armpits in a total state of nature, and that's okay. If you check out Hairy Pits Club, you'll see people actually having fun with their armpits. Dying them rainbow colors, even. This inspired me. I learned that there were actually a range of armpit hair modification options. You could shave them, trim them, dye them, buzz them, braid them (I'm not that hairy), etc.

On a related note, I liked this post a lot. I don't agree with it, but it made me think more deeply about my own stance. I do agree with the commenters who say it's impossible to eschew femininity entirely, even if one tries. If I spent my life in a gray sweatsuit, people would view my body, hear my voice, and ascribe femininity to me. So I agree with those who are saying: Keep what you genuinely like about femininity (not only what you get socially rewarded for) and toss out what you don't like. I like glittery eyeshadow, the color pink, and wearing jewelery. I don't like dieting, talking about dieting, wearing high heels, "control" garments, etc. I don't like to leave my body hair entirely to its own devices, but I don't like shaving, either. I think I'll just let the two battle it out. It's not as exciting as Middle Earth, but it's something.

The HAP Travels

My first post on the Hobbit Acceptance project has been featured here as a guest post on Cynosure. It's part of a series called HAIRevolution, which is still accepting submissions. Check Cynosure out; there are a lot of posts dealing with varying aspects of self-love and acceptance, which is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. (And if you came here from over there, welcome! Unfamiliar with the exciting world of asexuality? Check this out.)

Hobbit Acceptance Project: Conundrums

I had no idea what kind of response I would get on the first HAP post, but it was fantastic. I so appreciated your support, encouragement, and commiseration. Much love.

Things I've learned since I have started, strangely enough, to think about body hair:

• Because so many people of all genders remove or conceal their hair, no one knows what "normal" is. The internet is full of women asking, "Is it normal to have hair on my feet/chest/stomach/face/back?" And I don't have a clue. Nor do I have any idea what is "normal" for my ethnicity. There seems to be some agreement that Mediterranean and Eastern European peoples are especially hairy (I am a mix of both), but what does that even mean? (Aside from the fact that what's "sexy" on our heads is repulsive on our bodies.) When people know that they're "normal", it's much easier to not worry as much about whatever the issue may be. With the case of body hair, we never get that relief.


• It's easier to show leg hair than armpit hair. I think this is probably because we're more used to seeing leg hair--mostly on men, but still. At least in my area, men with hairy legs wear shorts most places. However, men with hairy armpits only show them in the most casual settings--the gym, for instance, or the beach. American culture doesn't tend to have positive associations with men in sleeveless shirts. Uhh, the phrase 'wifebeater' comes to mind.
  


• Which leads to my conundrum. Women can show their armpits whenever, wherever, in even the most formal occasions. But the expectation, of course, is that the armpits are hairless. In the centuries before women started shaving, female clothes were much less revealing. Do I shave to wear some clothes (perhaps more fancy or formal ones) and not others? Do I change the types of things that I wear? Or do I proceed as usual with my wardrobe, unshaven? I haven't yet answered these questions for myself.
  

At any rate, the HAP continues apace. I continue to wear my rolled-up jeans, shorts, and even wore a skirt one day. I did wear a sleeveless shirt on two occasions, but no one really saw me on those days. No evidence yet than anyone has particularly noticed or cared about any of these things, although I still feel apprehensive that I'm going to get rude comments. Maybe I should try to change my thinking and make it my goal to get rude comments. Then if I get them, I could feel vindicated rather than diminished. I have always shied away from making people uncomfortable, but sometimes it's impossible to make a statement, whether social or artistic, without doing that. Although if no one ever says anything...that would be perfectly fine!

What's the HAPs? The Hobbit Acceptance Project, Phase 1

If you're like Sherlock Holmes, you probably tried your best to forget my post about body hair. In that post, I mentioned that while I don't like shaving, I was scared to break that social norm. On a good day, I tend to be a bit socially anxious, worrying that everyone is staring and laughing at me. I wrote: "Maybe I can put myself on a gradual plan...becoming more comfortable with stubble, perhaps, before I embark on a full quest to Middle Earth." And I decided to do something like this...an experiment, if you will. I wanted to share its progress with anyone who might be interested.

Step 1: Cycling Immunity

When you ride a bicycle, it's customary to roll up your pant legs, so that the fabric doesn't get stuck in the bike's chain. It had been a while (maybe two or three weeks) since I'd shaved my legs, so I decided to roll up my pant legs...and then leave them like that as I went about my business. As I hopped off my bike, I would feel a growing sense of self-consciousness. When nothing happened, I would forget about my legs. Then, I would look down and feel that pang of awareness again. It would pass. It seemed easier to break the social norm this way, since I had an "excuse" for baring my legs, and it could be passed off as something "unintentional". This step lasted for around 3 days, and I went to casual places like the library, grocery store, and a friend's house. (I'm currently working as a pet sitter, and the animals don't care about my appearance, luckily.)

Step 2: Photography

I knew that the next step was to intentionally bare my legs in shorts. One Sunday morning, it was finally warm enough to wear them. I put the shorts on, but I still didn't feel comfortable going out in public. I knew I still didn't fully accept the hair, but maybe I could at least put it in its proper place. So I took a full-body picture of myself. When I looked down at myself, the first thing I noticed was the hairiness of my legs. But when I looked at the photo, the first thing I noticed was the fact that my shirt collar was oddly misshapen. And when I looked at my legs in the photo, it was the paleness of my skin I noticed first. These observations were fairly neutral, and this gave me the push I needed to go out. I'd been wanting to check out a certain vegan treat at a local farmer's market. Surely this would be an easy place to have hairy legs?

[Image: Me, caught mid-dance move]

Step 3: Among Raw Food Enthusiasts

As I stepped out of my car, I felt the fear come. I even walked through a parking lot, trying to avoid the public gaze. I entered the market and bought my food, then walked with it through the throng of people. And then it happened: People whispering about me.

Woman 1: What does she have?
Woman 2: A cone of vegetables.
Woman 1: That is so cool!

That comment made my heart soar--no exaggeration. While I don't want to care what people think of me, when it comes to breaking social norms, sometimes a bit of social approval can really help. No one, at least in that crowd, cared about my hairiness. Good choice, me!

And so the project continues. To all those working towards the acceptance of Hobbits, and other exotic creatures, I salute you.

[Image: Casting directors agree--Martin Freeman kinda looks like a Hobbit. But d'awww, he's so cute! As are we, my friends...as are we.]