I've never read such a short book with such a long title: Be Honest- You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Start Reaching for the Love You Deserve.
For our convenience, it will henceforth be abbreviated as NTIHE
. The book, by Ian Kerner, Ph.D, is a rebuttal to (and bandwagon-jumper on) He's Just Not That Into You. NTIHE
is better. In fact, NTIHE
is probably the best dating book I've read. It's also the most vague; this is probably not a coincidence. While Just Not That Into You
is for women who need to be smacked upside the head with a common-sense paddle, NTIHE
is for those of a more analytical nature (or who already have migraines).
The main thesis of NTIHE
is this: "Be honest with yourself, and don't 'settle'." Kerner provides many interesting ideas to chew on, my favorite being "women fall for men that they're not even that into." Believe it or not, I didn't realize that I have actually done this
until sitting down to write this post. Oops. Anyway, even though NTIHE
provides a thorough explanation on the mechanics of sexual attachment and connection, there wasn't much for me to asexily take issue with. The only clearly offensive statement (and at just one, that's probably a record for a book in this genre) was "women are built for sex". However, this is something most women, not just A-s, could greet with an "mmm...no". Also annoying was the completely extraneous conclusion, written by Kerner's wife. It begins: "Don't hate me because I'm married." Lady, it didn't occur to me until you mentioned it.
In general, Kerner likes to get all scientific on us, referring to studies on monogamy in voles and describing neurotransmitters. While it's interesting, (mostly) true, and inoffensive, it doesn't give you much to actually go and do
. And the "go and do" part is the whole point of an "advice" book such as this. Indeed, NTIHE
provides no easy answers. But we didn't need a book to tell us that those don't exist, do we?