Goals, Check 'Em!

You know, it wasn't very logical of me to think, "Hey, we're not getting very many people at events, so let's have more events!" Sometimes, the logical-to-a-fault side of my brain wants to hit the other side with a tennis racket.
So I think my goal will be: Get 10 people at a meetup.
Something about that makes me cringe a little; maybe it's the idea of referring to people as numbers. "Hey you, asexual #7, get over here!" But even though I'm terrible at names (AND faces, God does have a sense of humor), I don't think 10 people is really enough to start de-humanizing them.
And if we get four more, we can have a football team! But we'd have to play offense and defense. Which would probably make me die. Maybe we'll just have a picnic.

This Woman's Work

I'm sorry that I traumatized you the other day with visions of Burt Bacharach's sex life. It won't happen again. To make it up to you, here's a great quote, in honor of this whole ENDA situation:

"...the moral center of a movement is not defined by how well and how long we fight for our own rights. Important as that is, it's also enlightened self-interest: We all want our own rights. The moral center of a movement is defined by how well and how long we fight for those who are not us, for those more easily left behind."
--Riki Wilchins, from "Gender Rights Are Human Rights"

This comes from an essay in the book Genderqueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary. It's a collection of essays from various people, and so it gets rather spotty at times, but in general it's pretty interesting, and I recommend it. What's so great about the gender binary anyway? (And I really do challenge anyone to answer this...especially from a female perspective. There's another essay in the aforementioned book claiming that being a woman in a patriarchal society is to be inherently genderqueer. That might be pushing it a little, but as things are, women don't seem to have anything to gain from the gender binary.) What else is this ENDA thing showing me, other than the fact that some people have strange ideas about discrimination? We need some transgender politicians, obviously.

The Sound of Silence

Classes with massive amounts of reading; I feel too old for this. I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about John Hammond this week, but I've only gotten through about 5 pages of Exotica. However, in those 5, I did find a relevant quote from someone I never thought I'd be writing about: Burt Bacharach. He says:

"I could never make love to music because I'm not into the woman, I'm into, wait, what did that saxophone play in the sixth bar? Oh man, Jesus, that was not good!"

Wow Burt, I think that would totally be me. But I ask the question: Without music, how would you know when to start having sex? Aren't the suddenly-appearing, velvety tones of Barry White usually the best indicator of what's to come? I wouldn't know what's going on without the soundtrack. But for flying by his own internal compass, Burt is apparently an adventurous guy.

So, my goals...they still don't exist yet. Should I try to get us a steady meeting place? Aim for a certain number of participants? Start up office hours?
I need to remember to start small.
These are as much community goals as personal ones, so suggestions would actually be appreciated. Anyone?

Girls on Film

Today was my big film interview, and I got to talk about lots of things that I've written about on this blog! Like Sherlock Holmes, Dexter, Withnail & I, and Sex & the City. The film-makers seemed interested in the pop culture angle too, which was really cool. They also asked me some hard questions, like this one:
"So, what are your goals for this community in the next year?"
I was glad they asked that, because it made me realize that, hey...I have no clearly articulated goals for this project. As a good, longtime Girl Scout, I can't believe I neglected to do this. In fact, I think the ghost of Juliette Lowe is going, "Girl, what were you thinking?"
Juliette, I have no idea. I should get on those goals, ASAP.
As Thoreau said, "In the end, we only hit what we aim at."
Indeed.

Don't Fear the Morass

I was having an IM conversation that went like this:

Paddles: so have u never been attracted to anyone? u dont have to tell me

Ily: I've been attracted to about 2 people

Paddles: but then u do get attracted to people

Ily: Yeah, I do, but it's like once every 10 years

Ily: I think that's different from most people

A few minutes before this, I was watching some of the old media videos on AVEN. You know, just trying to acquire some witty sayings for my interview this week. I heard a lot of, “I’ve never been attracted to anyone. At all. Ever.” I know that when you’re on national TV, it behooves you to speak in monolithic terms. But in case you’re wondering if that experience is true for all of us A-s…it isn’t. I have been attracted to people, albeit briefly. Most notably, to two guys who I’ll call W and E. Let’s have sharing and caring time:

Both W and E were friends of friends. I found them both extremely attractive, although if you asked me “in what way?” I couldn’t tell you. I always felt excited and schoolgirly around W, and had the strong feeling that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. What we would do when the lights went out is anyone’s guess, but there you have it. My experience with E was roughly the same, although I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him (one of my good friends liked him as well, and I was actually hoping they would get together). Also, this happened: For about 10 seconds, when we were sitting out in the park together, looking over at E caused me to have feelings I’d never had before. I was so confused that I described them in my journal. The next day, I went back and re-read what I’d written. I realized that I’d described sexual attraction. And yes, it lasted for under a minute. That was the only time I’ve experienced sexual attraction in my entire life. But it was there.

And another commonly asked question in interviews of asexuals: “If you could take a pill to make you sexual, would you do it?”
Of course, the brave Aces being interviewed always answer with a resounding “No!” In that situation, I would probably do the same. But here, in the relative seclusion of this blog, I can be honest with you. If someone offered me a ‘sexual’ pill, I’d have to think long and hard before giving an answer. But maybe I wouldn’t need the pill—perhaps being sexual is something that already lurks inside me. Maybe if I had been able to date W or E, we would have gone on to have a completely “normal”, wonderful heterosexual relationship. Or, since I was a closeted asexual at the time, it could have been a disaster.
I’ll never know.
One thing’s for certain: sexuality is a confusing, convoluted, tangled-up beast of a concept. I don’t think that calling it a “morass” would be over-the-top. Okay, maybe a little.
I guess everyone’s sexuality could change one day, but when people tell us “maybe you haven’t met the right person yet”, it seems painfully irrelevant—what about how we are right now?
I’m A right now, and I always have been. If it’s been contradictory at times, so what? That’s the nature of this crazy thing called sexuality.
But even if I realize, in two days or two decades, that I’m secretly heterosexual, I will always support the A-Team. Play on, players.

Something More Productive (Like Roscoe)

So, I really need to get on a schedule of posting, the Gods of Blogs say it must be so. I'm thinking roughly every other day. So now if you want to plan your life around Asexy Beast, you sort of can. And no, that would not freak me out at all.
Now, on to today's unbridgeable gap of understanding:
It's not going to work to get all the people for this SF community from AVEN. The people that spend time hanging out on an internet forum are probably not the same kinds of people that would want to meet lots of random strangers out in 3-D land. Now, I could be totally wrong here. Maybe everyone today hangs out on forums, and I just don't know about it. I also know some pretty anti-social people who don't hang out on forums. So my theory isn't perfect. But I think there's a grain of truth in it somewhere.
I know that schools are a good place to recruit more Aces. But that's the problem right there-- recruiting. If you're questioning your sexuality, the odds are that you're gay, not A. Our deviant lifestyle is not for the faint of heart, and I don't want to misguide anyone. There's also the danger of seeming somewhat...cultish. And I have this...thing...well, it's kind of...more like a...phobia about cults. And I know we're not a cult, but the idea that someone else might think that really chills me. There's also the factor of, to quote my doctor: "I know you hate school." Great. That was supposed to be my big secret.
Schools usually have GLBT organizations already, which could be fruitful. But can't someone who actually goes to school full-time do this? It's obnoxious of me, but I feel like it's a better job for someone else.
Really, every venue of publicity has a downside. What's an organizer and perfectionist to do?

Reading Is Cool, Kids

My list of books to read is longer than ever-- and since I'm taking a class that actually has its own reading, I'm not moving through the list with any great speed. However, here are some books that you might hear about again in the distant future. Surpassing the Love of Men was referenced a few times in Boston Marriages, it's called a classic, and seems like fascinating, while rather dense, reading.
I also found a book called We're Just Good Friends: Women and Men in Nonromantic Relationships. Apparently it is "a much needed scholarly, but accessible, treatise of a topic which fascinates us all but which has been neglected by investigators of relationships". This topic is, of course, friendship between presumably sexual men and women. The inclusionary part of me wants to say, "Of course men and women can be friends! We can all be friends!" but in the back of my mind, I'm incredulous. When Harry told Sally that men and women could never be friends because sex always gets in the way, what can I say? I believed it. It seemed logical to me.
Even though, as an asexual woman, Harry's edict might not apply to me, I haven't had a male best friend since elementary school-- maybe my girliness gets in the way. Okay, We're Just Good Friends. Blow my mind.