In a society where we're pre-conditioned to be heterosexual, it's a healthy and normal thing to question your sexuality. But that doesn't mean it's not scary or confusing, especially when your orientation might be one that's lesser-known, like asexual. Asexuals are people that aren't attracted to either sex, and studies have shown that they're at least one percent of the population. Asexuality is just as valid an orientation as being gay, straight, or bi, but can be a little harder to figure out. The simplest advice I can offer? Remember that there are no absolutes when it comes to sexuality, and don't rush to label yourself just because you feel pressured to do so. Now, here are some common questions:
- I've never had a crush on anyone. Could I be gay, or am I asexual?
Maybe you’re not just the kind of person who gets crushes; perhaps you’re too practical for all that sighing and giggling. Think not about whether you have a “crush”, but whether you’ve ever been attracted to someone. If this has never happened and you’re, say, 13, I honestly wouldn’t worry about it too much. Your inclinations could still change a lot in the next few years. But if you’re 18 or 19 and have not experienced attraction, you may want to consider that you could be asexual…or very, very, picky.
- My friends are always saying that this or that girl is hot, but I just don't understand what they're talking about. What's up with that?
You have a few options: Either your friends have different tastes in girls than you do, you’re not into girls at all, or you’re not into girls or guys. If we’re just talking about probabilities here, being asexual is probably the least likely option—but, it is still an option. I know that many asexual people have had the same experience as you. But whether or not the label fits is something only you can decide.
- I had sex with my boyfriend, but I just found it boring. Is there something wrong with me?
- How can I know if I'm asexual or just have issues?
asexuality.org: The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network is the largest and busiest asexual forum online. It’s a great place to tell your story, and no matter where your mind is at, you’re sure to find like-minded people.
apositive.org: These free-spirited theorists are on a mission to compile all known information about asexuality—a great place to find information!Suggestions for a third "resource" would be especially welcome, since good things supposedly come in threes. And yes, I'm aware that in the end, my answer to question #4 sounds like the opener to "Little People, Big World"...