Offended? Cool by me.

If you hang out in the asexosphere, you've probably seen this ad, which is selling an emergency contraceptive called Plan B:


There are also video ads. I watched one, which didn't insult asexuals, but did make women look like complete idiots. (Apparently, another video ad does talk about "asexuals", but I had already lost enough brain cells.) Note that the colors of the ad are gray and purple. This is not a common color combination, but it is two of the colors on the asexual flag:


Coincidence? You be the judge, but in my opinion, it probably isn't one. Companies spend so much time and money on marketing-- I can't imagine that no one took 5 seconds to Google the word "asexual", which is a little-used word outside of biology texts and, well, asexuals. If they didn't know that "asexual" really applied to people, they would have put a dash in the word, like they did with "a-social".

In the past few days, I've read many comments from asexuals about the ads. Some people are offended, and some aren't. Some think it was an innocent mistake, and some people think that it wasn't so innocent. Some wrote letters to the company or left comments on Youtube, others didn't. Reading Sciatrix's post on getting angry and then seeing the overwhelmingly polite responses was very timely.

This is an interesting case because to my knowledge, this is the first corporate asexohater. And I don't like corporations for the most part, and I don't like advertisements. Sure, there are pockets of the corporate and advertising worlds that may not be morally bankrupt, but I doubt they are very large pockets. I don't think an ad campaign can "mean well", unless it's something like "Get an HIV test" or "Stop domestic violence". Every day, a new ad comes out that is sexist. If companies can offend feminists with impunity, why would they care about offending asexuals? If someone thought an ad saying, "Don't be like those tea-drinking tweed-wearers who don't experience sexual attraction" would make money, it would run tomorrow.

In this post, I used this quote:

"Brands can't be all things to all people. Effective marketing is the art of sacrifice..."
(Positioning Puts Branding in its Place, Hiebing)

Asexuals will be "sacrificed", if necessary. Do remember that this is emergency contraception, not Doctor Who memorabilia. We're not their target market, so the sacrifice is especially easy to make. (Yes, I know asexuals do have sex, but I doubt Teva knows or cares.)

In the 60's and 70's, people protested the government. In the current era, people need to protest corporations. Many corporations have bigger budgets than small countries. But they can live and die on the power of their brands. Maybe the ads will backfire, and Plan B will come to be associated with exceptionally air-headed people who don't know how babies are made (which is what the ads portray). Who knows?

So go ahead, be offended. They certainly don't care about offending you.

Spectral Amoebas: Blog Carnival is Go!

In the comments to this post, a few of us talked about the possibility of doing an asexuality/ autistic spectrum blog carnival. Not to talk about "does autism cause asexuality?" -type stuff, mind you, but to just talk about our experiences when those two identities intersect. Anyway, Kaz, Sciatrix and myself got together and decided to organize the carnival. Here's our blurb:

A blog carnival is an event where various people write posts around a single topic and link them together at the end. The topic of this carnival is the intersection of asexuality and the autism spectrum. The scope of this project is general. Any topic that deals with the intersection of asexuality and autism fits within the aegis of the carnival. If you’re not sure, submit it anyway and we’ll figure it out.

We are asexual bloggers on the autistic spectrum who want to explore the intersection between autistic and asexual identities. The basis of this project is to have a conversation about our unique experiences being autistic and asexual without looking for a “cause”. We want to create a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about the issues that affect us. If you identify as asexual (or demisexual, or gray-a) and as on the autistic spectrum (diagnosed or not, AS, autism, PDD-NOS, NLD), you are invited to write a blog post for this project. If you are not asexual and autistic you are welcome to contribute provided you focus on the issues experienced by this particular intersection. The scope of the project is general, and open to any experiences of being autistic and asexual.

If you want to write a post but don’t have a blog, please contact me at sanfranciscoemily[at]gmail[dot]com or Sciatrix at sciatrix[at]gmail[dot]com about doing a guest post. Please have your post written by 31st January and comment on this post or send an e-mail to me or Sciatrix about your post by then. Note that the hosts reserve the right to reject posts by anyone if they feel they do not follow the guidelines of or are not in the spirit of the carnival. The posts will be compiled on Writing From Factor X for posterity. A post with the compilation will go up there in the beginning of February. Be a part of this exciting project!

–Sciatrix, Kaz, and Ily

Edit: Possible topics for exploration? As we said, you can write about anything, but here are some ideas:

• Coming out as asexual and as autistic
• Relationships
• Gender expression
• Childhood/young adult experiences
• Treatment by medical professionals/therapists
• Perceptions of the autistic asexual by others
  

Feel free to share other ideas in the comments!

Tim Gunn is Asexual?!

News!

Thanks to Karli for pointing out this video, in which Tim Gunn (the dude from "Project Runway" who says "make it work!" a lot) discusses his "suicidal past". It seems like this was one reason why he felt so badly during his teen years:

"For a long time, I didn't know what I was. I knew what I wasn't. I wasn't interested in boys. But I really wasn't interested in girls." He says (in a People magazine article) "I've always been kind of asexual" and "I really am happy alone", claiming that he hasn't had sex since 1982.

Well I'll be! I'm jazzed that Tim Gunn is "kind of" one of us. Obviously I don't know him, but his television persona is just so benevolent (well, except towards Gretchen). Although I'm pretty sick of Project Runway at this point, when I think about it...On "What Not to Wear", Clinton and Stacy (the hosts/fashionistas) were always talking about how "sexy" various clothing items were. Has Tim Gunn ever gushed about the sexiness of a garment? Not that I can recall. Hmm.

We're here for ya, Tim...how about some invisible fashion-industry cake?

BBC Program(me) Features Asexuals

Ahh, some pop culture to write about. On March 19th, a group of asexuals (most or all of them AVEN members, I believe) were featured on a BBC 3 show called Natalie Cassidy's Real Britain. Apparently, the theme of the show was "sexual taboos" (in our case, not having it) and also featured (in a separate storyline) a man with Down's Syndrome seeking a romantic partner (what is taboo about this, I don't know). An AVENite was nice enough to post the ace-related segments on Youtube for us folks outside the UK. Here's part one of the program, part two, and part three.

And of course, my comments:

All in all, I liked this program. I was surprised at the complexity of some of the topics it discussed, such as asexuals with different levels of libido. Most media spots don't go too far beyond "they (might) exist", and I was glad that this one seemed to go a bit further. One really interesting thing about this piece was its use of haters. "Haters" might be too strong a word for the disbelieving people that appeared. They were all people that the asexuals knew in real life, such as friends and co-workers. We'd see the asexual in question convincing these people that yes, they were content without sex. I liked this, because while we got the disbelievers that we apparently need to show, they weren't speaking from any "expertise", and it was a realistic portrayal of what an out asexual sometimes deals with. Another good thing was that they showed aces being happy and having fun. That really doesn't happen enough, and it can only happen when we're away from "DO YOU MASTURBATE?!?!?!" -style interrogations. (Those were mecifully absent here.)

I didn't like two things the narrator said. Why not split a few hairs? First of all, "They all believe they're asexual" is not a good way to put it; we don't "believe" we're gay or straight. It also didn't fit into the tone of the piece, where asexuality as a reality didn't seem to be questioned by the filmmakers. I also didn't like "For most of us, asexuality is an alien concept". I just said to myself, "Well...if you put it that way..."

Of course, I have to applaud the four aces involved. Always, whether a piece is good or bad, any asexuals being filmed work it as best they can. This one was no exception, and the people involved were eloquent and informative. Way to go, folks.

Weird Terrain

I want to make sure everyone knows about Weird Terrain, a new asexually-themed zine with essays, poetry, and fiction. For the uninitiated, zines are sort of like independent, do-it-yourself magazines that really have no rules in terms of content or form. I got my copy of Weird Terrain last week and it's very, very cool. I've seen quite a few zines in my time, and this was one of the most professional-looking ones I've read. (And I'm not just saying this because one of my pieces was included.) The next issue comes out in May, and submissions (this means you!) are due April 25th. In her editor's note, Anne writes, "...I want something tangible to hold in my hands. I don't want our history and our dialogue to just be recorded in a bunch of 0's and 1's on a computer." And even though I chose a blog as my main avenue of asexy information dissemination, I couldn't agree more.

Click here to find out more about Weird Terrain, how to submit, and how to order copies.

People Can Be Pretty Dumb

With my socialistic leanings, I'm used to losing when it comes to politics. I'm aware that most of America is much more conservative than myself. However, I am still shocked and extremely saddened to lean that Prop 8 will, barring some kind of absentee-voter deus ex machina, pass. Although the No on 8 campaign is keeping mum until every vote is tallied, I figure that if The Bilerico Project is admitting that we lost, then we lost. After 8 years of Bush, I'm no stranger to disappointment with my fellow Americans. But I didn't think I'd feel this way about my fellow Californians. I thought we were just a bunch of inocuous hippies and showbiz types! Live and let live, eh? Well, apparently not. In situations like these, I think of:

What use are these people's wits,
who let themselves be led
by speechmakers, in crowds,
without considering
how many fools and thieves
they are among, and how few
choose the good?

--Heraclitus, Fragment 111, 500 BC

People also voted down affordable housing and clean energy in San Francisco. What use, indeed.

I wonder where the gay rights movement is going to go from here. Should they keep focusing so strongly on marriage, or branch out for awhile? I think that working to bring trans rights up to speed would be ideal at this point. What do you all think?

Something joyfully asexual coming at you next time.

Yours in Horror

Anyone will tell you, I'm a paranoid person. But the election season makes it much, much worse. I've ended up on the list of every organization, and I get alarmist e-mails every day. What worries me most are the missives from No on 8. As you may know, 8 is the proposition that, if passed, would eliminate gay marriage in California. The fact that it might actually pass (and current polls support this) horrifies me. "Focus on the Family"-types from all over the country are mobilizing to donate money to Prop 8. Yesterday, I heard one of the Pro-8 ads, and was horrified all over again by the lies it contained-- stuff about churches and schools that aren't mentioned anywhere in the proposition. No on 8, a grassroots effort, doesn't have the money to compete (well, unless you donate, especially important if you don't live in CA). But since I have no money and no canvassing skills whatsoever, I feel completely helpless. Funny that I have a vote and still feel this way.

But it pisses me off to no end that elections are all about how much money you have. If I had my way, all campaign spending would be eliminated. Just let people read those booklets that come in their mailboxes and let that be the end of it. The truth gets lost under the fancy ad campaigns, and that saddens me immensely.

And, dude. As an asexual, it's hard enough to find a partner. We should at least be able to marry whatever gender of person we want. "Gay marriage" is for bisexual and asexual folk, too, but of course, you don't need to be queer to support it.

I thought that if Obama is elected, he might turn this all around and make the whole country have gay marriage! But as it turns out, Obama doesn't support gay marriage at all. He says "I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment." Obama supports the status of marriage/unions being left up to the states, which is the same thing that McCain supports. What a cop-out. You could say that the difference between unions and marriage is just semantic, but asexuals know better. We're constantly told that marriage is the best thing ever (because tales or marital woe will probably turn us more asexual), and so we know that it holds a rarefied position that "unions" don't compete with. Besides, we really like the cake.

I think I need some consolation, a cupcake and probably a hug. If this "marriage is between a man and a woman" stuff gets written into our state constitution, it can be changed again, can't it?

We Remember Moments

Today is National Coming Out Day, which has a very cute logo:


Even though I haven't written about it for awhile, I still think coming out is crucial for asexuals. (And here's why I think so.) I realized about two minutes ago that there are two ways to come out, "active" and "passive". Coming out actively is sitting people down for "the talk" or otherwise working a variation of "I'm asexual" into a conversation. This type of coming out unfairly gets all the glory. There is also a passive form of coming out, which basically involves putting information out there and waiting for people to find it. When I first started identifying as asexual, I tried to come out actively. But now, I've switched entirely to the passive method, which pretty much involves giving people the link to this blog. There's always the risk that people won't look or be interested, but if they're a friend, they'll probably put two and two together. So if you haven't already, try the passive method. Make a blog post, send people a link to a website, write a note. There's nothing shameful about using the passive method-- that's why I'm trying to promote it. It all depends on your personal style. This poll on AVEN showed that the vast majority of respondents were introverts, for which the passive method might work better.
And, in case you missed it, here was my list of ways to come out in the 21st century.

If Coming Out Day isn't enough for you, tomorrow is the Asexuality Visibility and Education Day (AVED). Apparently, the official Asexuality Day is May 29th (who knew? I didn't). But, AVED is designed specifically for students to spread awareness at their school (Although it's a Sunday...but I guess that doesn't matter so much at colleges. Seriously, I wish I was still at school just so I could spread my asexual missives to a captive audience.). Trust me folks, special days are good. They're what press releases are made on. So know and keep these holidays...hopefully, we'll soon figure out how to celebrate them.

News: Tyra Banks Show?

I learned from the Announcements section of AVEN that the Tyra Banks Show (that's a daytime talk show headed by that lady from America's Next Top Model) wants to do a feature on asexuality.

My immediate gut reaction was, "NOOO, MONTEL! NOOO!"

But my eternally hopeful self is thinking that maybe this won't be so bad. Although I've always found Tyra kind of forced as a host, her show did win an Emmy this year. She's had shows dealing with race that seem fairly controversial for daytime TV, and I respect her for doing that. She also did a show (although I didn't see it) about transwomen that was sympathetic. However, the transwomen profiled were from the film Trantasia, in which these women are competing in a pageant in order to get a gig as a Vegas showgirl. So while Tyra may have been supportive of these particular outsiders, they come from a common background of participation in entertainment sold by beauty and sex appeal. Modeling, which was and is Tyra's major avocation, is all about using sexuality to enhance the image of products. Will she really relate to people who eschew sex althogether?

Maybe I'm overemphasizing Tyra's involvement in this, and she's just reading cue cards written by a crack team of Anthony Bogaert's research minions. I really don't know, and I remain highly skeptical of any publicity that isn't controlled by asexuals themselves. I think that we have to be careful of letting people with no stake in our issues write our stories, which is why I'm adamant about generating all this content here.

If it hasn't become painfully apparent, I'm not a member of the "any press is good press" school. But if a major TV show wants to cover you, how are you supposed to say "no" without looking like you're afraid or have nothing to talk about? And even though we've gotten national press, most people still have no idea what asexuality is (or worse, they have major misconceptions). Would it even be wise to say no? Mass media is the best way to educate large numbers of people quickly-- if it's done right. Once we're known, we can't be unknown. But myths and stereotypes seem harder to undo than blank slates. If the only thing you knew about asexuality was the Montel show, would you have a negative impression? I honestly can't say, because I can't imagine not knowing what I now know. But I'm pretty sure it would leave you with more questions than answers.

So, what do you think? Will Tyra's attempt be better than others have been?

People get ridiculous

Figleaf has helped me prove that once people put the word "asexual" in a sentence, they get ridiculous. It's as if once that word works its way into people's minds, they abandon all reason. So far, I have not been able to use this power in my favor. And since it's not getting me any free drinks, we might as well send it to the cultural landfill. Here's my example of asexual mindfreakery for the day. The quote comes from an article called "Asexual men and the creeps who live on campus" by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, best known for his role on the TLC show "Shalom in the Home". The article, about the Duke student rape scandal, says in part:

The male overexposure to women has even led to the death of the heterosexual man as we know him. If the definition of a heterosexual man is a male who is attracted to women, then most men today are barely heterosexual. Think about it. Nearly all the men I know are only attracted to about one in 10 women, that is, the 10 percent of women they consider "hot." The other 90 percent leave them cold. Doesn't that mean that they are 90 percent asexual? And I'm not trying to be funny. If a man is not attracted to a woman, then he is not heterosexual. Period. And if he only attracted to a small fraction of the women he meets, then he is fractionally heterosexual.

How has the venerable rabbi managed to equate asexuals with rapists? How does that make any sense? See what I mean-- ridiculous. As if rape had anything to do with what percentage of people you're attracted to. And as if jerky guys who are only attracted to "HAWT" women are some sort of new sexual orientation. I guess I of all people shouldn't knock new sexual orientations. But seriously, folks. Really now.
*tips over dump truck, watches for seagulls*