Sunday, August 19, 2007

A Bars?

I love Andrea Nemerson's Alt-Sex column. Archives are here: She's able to write about sensitive topics in a way that's funny, gentle, and informed. She's also written one or two good columns on asexuality. In 2004 (yes, I'm aware that was a long time ago...but then again, if you're young enough to think 2004 is pre-history, you should probably stop reading and get back to your times tables, young man), Andrea writes:

After all, despite the ubiquitous comparisons to the early days of gay rights, there are comparatively few asexuals and they have far less motivation to gather in bars to... what? Not go home with each other? Nope, this is a movement destined to be born online and nowhere else. Connection without physical contact, how much more A could you get?

And that makes me...sad. I've been able to get together a few in-the-flesh meetups of San Francisco's A community, the biggest of which was 6 people. Usually we get 3 or 4. We drink milkshakes a lot, we kvetch; it's fun. I think there is an interest among some-- although, not all-- asexuals to meet outside the internet. I've met at least six of them. But six people (and my current mind-bender is how to increase this number) does not a bar scene make. If there was an asexual bar (and I would be their most regular regular if there was), I think it would come to be populated by non-A people looking to avoid sketchy members of the opposite (or same) sex. The sketchy people would find out about this, and probably follow them there. We'd need bouncers to be on the watch for people in iridescent button-up "going out" shirts. Or maybe we could just play Belle & Sebastian, decorate with pictures of kittens, and have good lighting.
I'm starting to feel at home already.
And 5, 10, 20 years from now...who knows?


Sasha said...

I have tried to organize a meet up through Aven, but only one person showed up out of three RSVP's. It was kind of odd, too, because he mentioned that he wasn't quite sure if he was really asexual. At least he didn't try to hit on me, but he did ask me not to mention his name in reference to Aven anywhere. I really didn't feel like continuing a meet up with one other person.

Maryam said...

Hello, this is jittrbugg from LJ!

I seriously wish there were an asexual bar type thing. I would dig a lounge type place. All of my friends are always going out to clubs and such, and I don't really mind the vibe of them on a basic level. If I could stand there invisible so no one could look at me, I'd love it. So a cool loungey place without the sexual pressure would be amazing.

That's so great that you've gotten to meet other asexuals. I haven't as of yet.

Carly said...

I wish that bar existed, it'd be pretty fabulous.

Ily said...

Ooh, readers! :-) Thanks for the comments! And Sasha, if you want to do the meetup thing, I'd come back to it in a few months or far as AVEN goes, I was there a pretty long time before I met anyone offline. Maybe after some time has passed, more people in your area will join, or realize that they madly want to go to a meetup?
It seems easy (or at least it did to me) to get people from an online group to meet in RL, and I was surprised by how hard it was. Maybe it still freaks some people out. Perhaps, let them bring friends :-)
Oh, and the first round's on me at the A-bar.

Julie said...

Geee. She makes it sound like asexuals are frigid or something. I know that article was written in 2004, but I could absolutely NOT relate to the asexual Andrea was describing. At all. On a more cheerful note, I would also feel at home at a place with kitten pictures on its walls...