Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Pickup Artist

TV, VH1, 2007

The concept of this show is simple: An expert "pickup artist" named Mystery aims to turn a bunch of average schmoes into the kind of uber-persistant Casanovas I dread running into at clubs. Usually, I really enjoy dating shows. I like to live vicariously while at the same time feeling happy that it's not me out there. But The Pickup Artist disturbs me on so many levels. In the interest of time, here are three of them:

1) Viewing women as conquests, not individuals = not cool.

2) Mystery exhibits his game while wearing a beanie with goggles over it. I can tell you one thing about wearing goggles over a beanie: the wearer thinks the rules of fashion do not apply to them. And when the rules of fashion go, so do the rules of civilized social discourse. After that, everything starts to go downhill. And before you know it, you're at the edge of a roof, pulling your goggles over your face and screaming, "THE LAWS OF GRAVITY DON'T APPLY TO ME!"
Do you really want to emulate this man?

3) The existence of asexuals: ie, people who will probably not sleep with you, no matter how much hair product you use, means that there are no iron-clad rules for picking up all women. Part of Mystery's shtick is that there are a certain number of "attraction triggers" that will make any woman go crazy! Just crazy! Obviously, the attempted pickups of asexual women (if there were any) did not make Vh1's final cut.
Until next time, keep those crazy blue hair streaks away from any white upholstery.

And the worst thing? I'm so watching it tomorrow (well, unless I get a better offer). So if I change my mind...I'll let you know.

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