Traveling Alone: Tips for the anxious and socially awkward

Here it is at last!  My epic post about traveling alone, with tips from my experience.  These tips are directed towards people similar to myself, admittedly--folks who've had no experience traveling alone, who worry they might be lonely, bored, or anxious, and for whom meeting new people isn't really their "thing".  There are a million blog posts about traveling solo.  A lot of them include good safety tips that are relevant for everyone, so I'm not going to delve deeply into safety here.  And while there are traveling-alone tips out there for introverts, what I found wasn't very useful for me.  Yes, I'm introverted, but I'm not neurotypical.  There certainly aren't many travel tips written by us, so that's why I wanted to add my voice to the topic.  You know I love a numbered list, so let's get into it!

Yes.  I know.  It's long.

1. Expect to feel self-conscious, especially as a newbie.  In relation to trips with others, alone I felt like I stood out much more--like I was wearing the wrong clothes, and everyone was noticing my accent.  In general, I was more attuned to the environment, which can be both positive (wow, a fox!) and negative (no one else is wearing a t-shirt!).  So, expect some level of discomfort.  I had moments of terror (like, uh, being locked inside the building where I was staying...Hellllp?!) and thinking "I can't do this!"  But don't expect this discomfort to make you have a terrible time or regret going.  
2. Have a project (real or fake).  You can bring a creative project on your trip, or start an entirely new one.  Having that extra sense of purpose can be helpful.  Examples include photography, painting, sketching, reading a book you haven't had time for, or even a volunteer project.  While in the UK, one of my projects was writing this post.  It can be fun to get into character a little (no need to have acting experience).  Like, if you're new to eating in restaurants by yourself, you can become a restaurant critic taking notes, writing reviews, and posting them online.  Sometimes when I've been at shows alone, I pretend I'm a music journalist, even though I never actually write anything.  For some reason, it makes me feel less awkward.
3. Keep a record.  Sort of related to the first one, but specifically, keep a journal, either on paper or online.  Traveling alone is a great opportunity to learn new things about yourself and the world, and so it can be valuable to record these observations.  It also gives you something to do while sitting in parks, cafes, trains, etc.  Oscar Wilde thought reading his own diary on the train was entertaining; maybe the same will hold true for you.
4. Check in with those you left behind.  Not all day, every day, but set aside a little time to write some missives to your homies.  They'll want to know you're safe and having a good time.  And it's nice to hear from someone who loves you.
5. Abandon perfection.  This applies to life in general, but when you're alone and far from home, it can be easier to get stuck inside your head.  What's in my head?  Extreme perfectionism, which is why I try to heed this advice.  Of course you want to have the perfect trip--you have limited time and you want every moment to count.  But you can still have an awesome, memorable trip even if there are some bad moments.  In addition, you won't become a different person just because you're traveling.  I sometimes get tired very easily, and I while I want to "go go go" and see everything, at times I need to give myself a break.  In short, don't put too much pressure on yourself.  If this is your first time traveling alone, try to view it as a learning, skill-building experience.
6. Be a little consistent.  Travel is the time to try new things, but don't abandon all your usual habits (especially the self-care ones!).  For instance, I tended to feel more anxious when I was alone in my hotel room at the end of the day, and so I would read some of the blogs that I was used to reading back home.  There was comfort in those familiar voices.  Find a cafe/restaurant/pub/etc near your lodgings at which to be a "regular" and go there often.  (Cafes usually have bulletin boards with lots of local events as well.)
7. Stay in one place.  Why did I decide to come to Manchester for only two days, again?  I don't regret it (I even met one of my Livejournal friends!), but such a short stay made it impossible to ever get my bearings.  If you avoid city-hopping, it's also easier to get involved with local social activities, and to actually attend the upcoming events that you hear about.
8. Meet people in advance.  If you, like me, are not very outgoing, meet people (or join a group) from your destination online, before you get there.  Think about it:  Locals, especially urban people, won't have any real reason to befriend you unless you have shared interests (or are incredibly charming).  In London, I learned that while in theory, striking up conversations with strangers was a great idea, in practice it was less so.  A couple of strangers tried conversing with me, but I had too much trouble quickly transitioning into random conversation.  I need a few moments to mentally prepare myself and decide if I even want to talk.  By that time, though, the stranger is usually saying, "Sorry, I won't disturb you".  When I say, "No, really, you're not," they have probably already assumed that I'm quietly plotting their murder.  So yeah, I like meeting people in advance.  Just be honest with yourself about your level of social comfort, and start from there.
9. Respect your body.  Don't be like me:  Hungry, dehydrated, sunburned, and extremely sore of foot.  If you think carrying a reusable water bottle is too unwieldy, Vapur.  Although the carabiner broke after a day (so you know they're not paying me to write this), the bottle itself is durable, and becomes very light and small when empty.  Carry snacks with you, and bring the most comfortable shoes possible (as long as they blend in with your locale).  I find that on trips, I do a ton of walking, and it wasn't until the last two days of my trip that I felt used to it.
10. Master auto-timer on your camera.  I hate asking random people to take my picture, because not only am I paranoid that they'll steal my camera, I just feel goofy.  So if I'm in a place that's not too busy, I'll prop my camera on a wall and take a picture on auto-timer.  See, I can prove I was here!  (Okay, someone could also steal my camera this way, but paranoia isn't always logical.)
11. Hey, you might enjoy being alone.  If you travel alone, and yet meet up with others at points along your journey, it really is the best of both worlds.  You get some social interaction, and yet you can still do what you want, on your own time.  If I wanted to do some odd or esoteric activities, I didn't need to "sell" them to a travel companion, I just went and did them.  Nor did I have to adhere to the schedule of another person.  It's totally different from the day-to-day life that most of us live, and it can be a really nice change.

[Image: Ily losing their umbrella at St. Cuthbert's Cemetery, Edinburgh]

Bonus item: Stuff to do at night, solo!  For shy and fatigued people.  My main concern about traveling alone was always "what to do at night".  I don't like going to bars or clubs (the "nightlife" standbys) alone.  So, here are some ideas for stuff to do by night:

• Film festivals.  Seriously, most people's friends don't want to see strange indie films.  There will be many other people by themselves.
• Theater.  Same, especially at smaller venues.  
• Museums.  Many are open late at least one night a week.
• Read a book and go to bed early.  No shame in that. 
• Walking tours.  This actually felt like one of the more awkward things I did alone, but it's worth trying out.
• Chores.  If you have to do laundry or something, doing it at night will free up time to do more things during the day.

I hate to end on "chores", but to paraphrase Belle and Sebastian, a list needs to end somewhere.  While I was quite worried about traveling alone, I'm glad I tried it.  If I don't travel far afield in the future, it will probably be for environmental reasons rather than lack of companionship.  That's definitely progress for me.  Also, it was probably a good idea that I made my maiden voyage to an English-speaking country where I'd already briefly lived.  Three weeks in Mongolia would have been much harder.  Maybe next time...

"Too Nice to Go Alone"

Greetings from London!
Asexuals met so far:  4
Portions of vegan haggis eaten: 1 (in Edinburgh, yum yum)
People in suits:  About 5 million
People in jeans and t-shirts:  1 (uh...even the most stylish peeps have off-days, right?)

While I've felt lucky to hang out with a lot of cool people so far (old friends, internet friends, and strangers--but not for long-- alike), I've spent most of my time alone, and have been doing a bunch of thinking on the topic.  I'm working on my post of practical travel tips, which will be published after I get back home.  But I've also been thinking about some of the psychological stuff behind "how to be alone".  For more of that, read on!

Today, for instance, I knew that I shouldn't be walking much more, as my legs felt like two pillars of wood.  But I needed dinner, so I decided to look at the Vegan London map and go to whichever restaurant was closest to my lodgings.  I identified the place, although from its website, it looked fancier than what I'd typically choose.  Although it might have been slightly outside my budget, what I immediately said to myself was, "this is too nice for one person".  And I knew that the moment I had that thought, I wanted to analyze it further.

As I walked to the Tube (having changed out of my jeans and t-shirt), I started to understand my reaction.  American culture doesn't discourage splurging on yourself a bit, however, it does encourage the insecurities of single people.  I didn't want to feel out of place, perhaps among couples dining in a traditionally "romantic" atmosphere.  Since I rarely go to fancier restaurants, I wasn't sure what to expect, and that fact made me wish I'd had company.  And if the place ended up being really special, I'd have no one to share the memory with.  However, these normal concerns (at least, the normal concerns of a chronically anxious person) can become a self-fulfilling prophecy where being single is not only viewed as being an inferior state, but actually becomes that state.

Had I not left my comfort zone and gone to the slightly fancy restaurant, it would have always remained, in the back of my mind, something outside my reach...something for other people and not for me.  There would have been a sense of denial, however small, that with enough similar instances would build over time.  I would feel like, being single, I was missing out.

What I realized from this experience is that "this is too nice for one person"-type thoughts are always preemptive.  I can't imagine an instance when, while actually doing something, I've thought "this is way too much fun for one person".  I've wished that I had company, but that's different, as it's not perpetuating the idea that I somehow don't deserve to have a good time.  Like when I got to the restaurant, I wasn't thinking that it was "too nice" for me to be alone there.  In fact, there was another person eating alone!  While I wasn't thrilled to be by myself, doing the activity anyway served to demystify it quite a bit.

And tomorrow, the search for good meals under 5 pounds continues...*wink*

Singled Out (it's a book review, yo)

Some people call Valentine's Day "Singles Awareness Day". I prefer to view it as a day to worship almighty Chocolate. However you celebrate (or don't), you should read this awesome post that Lanafactrix showed me. I love the title: Living Single, and was glad to see that the writer doesn't like the term "single", either.

And now, a related book review where I'll be forced to use the word many times.

I'll be honest...I picked up Singled Out due to a sense of obligation. I was expecting it to be full of "well, DUH" information, and to therefore be boring. Luckily, I was wrong on both counts. It ended up being a fairly absorbing read, and author Bella De Paulo has a sense of humor. For example: "Still, compared with women, men get a break. They can turn on Monday Night Football in full confidence that the game will not end with a wedding (16)". (I'm sure plenty of women watch football, and maybe that's exactly one of the reasons.)

In terms of new information, I was glad to learn more about the experiences of single men. Apparently, they get paid less than married men for doing the same work. The "breadwinner bonus" still applies, even though so many women work. Common stereotypes were also explored. To me, one of the more interesting ones is the idea that men need to be "civilized" by marriage. This manages to be insulting to men and women alike: To men, because it assumes that if they're single, they're just sitting around eating pizza all day. And to women, because it assumes that rather than partners, we're just looking for DIY projects.

Additionally, I'd always assumed that most single people were "looking", and I was an exception. Not so. According to a 2005 survey, 55% of single people were not looking. Another good point from the book: Why aren't single parents just called "parents"? Married parents aren't referred to as "married parents". If the name is a holdover from days when single parents were unusual, then it's definitely out of date now.

Unless you're Betty Friedan, it's hard to talk about a problem that has no name. One helpful thing about Singled Out is that it introduces the term "singlism". While not as dangerous as sexism or racism, De Paulo still shows how single people can face discrimination in terms of health care, wages, and obtaining housing. After reading this book, I immediately identified some singlism on a TV show I watched that night, which I doubt I would have recognized before. It is indeed insidious. And, finally, I would call the book ace-friendly: "Apparently, there is little room in the mythology of singlehood for women who are getting exactly the amount and kind of sex they desire-- including, for some single women, no sex at all (147)".

Giving Up, Letting Go

A post that's way too short for its complicated topic:

"Giving up" on marriage or romantic relationships is often seen as the most pathetic, rock-bottom thing that someone could do in our culture. Depending on the circles in which you socialize, it could be much worse than giving up on your education, career, religion, the pursuit you are most talented at, or pretty much anything else. Isn't that odd? But although it might sound even odder, I think my problem is that I haven't given up enough. Let me explain. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving up on marriage etc., as long as you can feel like this was your choice. But I think it can cause a lot of psychological turmoil when you try to move on, but have nothing to move on to. I learned this very clearly when my term at a certain job ended. I had lofty ideas about "moving on" and going on to better things, but since I actually had no idea what those things were, I ended up extremely frustrated. Actually, the whole concept seems to be a theme in my life. And it's the same thing with marriage etc. When there's no clear alternative to it, it can be hard to give up completely. So you're left in this weird mental netherworld.

As we've seen, I haven't exactly been adept at creating, or even defining, the "alternative relationships" I talk about. But does the alternative need to be a relationship at all? Marriage etc is such a huge pressure that a shadowy, inarticulate goal can't go up against it. I think this is true, but I don't know how to visualize it. At least I know there are others muddling through the same thing with me. I'll muse some more on this, and see if I can come up with anything more useful.

How To Be Alone: Reviews!

In the comments to my last post, someone posted a link to the video "How to Be Alone". One thing I liked about the video was that it talked about doing things alone as a skill anyone can build using small steps (the video suggests starting in the bathroom-- we've all peed alone, haven't we?). I agree that the ability to do things alone is an important one, and not just for single people. I'm not always great at it myself, but I'm hoping that with time, I'll improve. So I wanted to open up a discussion of ridin' solo with my personal reviews of some standard "alone" activities, most of which were mentioned in the video. I'm using two ratings: Enjoyability, where a 10 would be enlightenment or "I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!" and a 1 would be watching Youtube videos buffer. And awkwardness/anxiety, where a 1 would be gazing at a sleeping kitten, and a 10 would be nearing a panic attack. So, onward!

Reading a book in the park.
Enjoyability: 8
A/A: 2
I have a pretty bad memory for books, which might be one of the reasons I feel compelled to write about them. But parks are another story. Being alone is no big deal here, since I find both reading and being outside can make me feel content. Sometimes low-stress activities are the best. Just be sure to pick an engrossing book and a good park for your first time.

Movies.
Enjoyability: 6
A/A: 4
Going to movies alone was what convinced me I was the only person in America who saw "Hustle and Flow". It's not as scary as it may seem, because it's dark and you can get absorbed in the movie. The downside is that you don't have anyone to discuss the movie with. If you haven't yet done this, try seeing an early showing of an independent film. The theater will be pretty empty, and there will be other people there by themselves (probably because their friends, like yours, didn't want to see yet another plotless wonder).

Restaurant.
Enjoyability: 5
A/A: 5
The final frontier to some isn't that frightening once you've done it a few times. I mostly just find eating alone to be boring, and it's something I would do out of necessity (ie, I'm out alone and hungry) than for fun. First time? Some restaurants are more amenable to people eating alone than others. Try a somewhat casual place that isn't very crowded. If you were in San Francisco, I would suggest Ananda Fuara at dinner, where I would always see quite a few people eating alone.

Concert, aka "Show".
Enjoyability: 7, but depends on how good the show is.
A/A: 6
Awkwardness and boredom during set breaks is the issue here, as well as lack of post-show discussion. But it would be a shame to miss a good show just because no one else is feeling it. Once I went to a show with a friend, and we were standing near a woman who was by herself. During the set breaks, she would take out a small flashlight and read a book about music. I still remember that because whenever I see someone alone and rolling it with, I always think that person's pretty badass. If you're alone and feel awkward, you never know, maybe people are wishing they had your courage.

Going Out Dancing.
Enjoyability: ???
A/A: 9
This one was in the video, but I've never actually done it. And I can't say I want to. Dance events being a common place to get hit on is just one reason I'd be uncomfortable with this. Sure, if you're dancing in a crowd, no one will know you're alone. But I can't get over a few things that to me, just seem totally unfun alone. Going to a bar also falls into this category.

Travel.
Enjoyability: 6-10
A/A: 3-7
I know this is a tricky one for a lot of people. Traveling alone has its advantages, but it can also get tedious and there can be safety issues. It will encompass many different situations that you will have to do alone, about which your comfort level will vary. While I've never traveled totally alone for more than 2 days, I've spent some time on trips by myself. My main concern is what to do after dark. During the day, there are always museums and outdoor stuff, which often I enjoy solo. But at night, there's all the stuff I don't like to do alone: Restaurants, bars, dancing, etc. What might help with this is to do advance research for nightlife I wouldn't mind doing, like special movies or museums that are open late (I love me some museums!). There's also the possibility of meeting up with other people in the place you travel to. I've met AVENites in New York and Portland, and I have college friends in some random places. If you're not asexual, there's always Couchsurfers, who according to the website, can act as tour guides even if you don't want to crash on random couches. Also, maybe a friend of a friend could offer to show you around. However...then you wouldn't really be alone anymore.

So what are your reviews? Any awesome alone activities we should try? Or any difficult ones that you want to work up to?

Single Women in "More" Magazine

Speak of the devil! I just found an article about long-term single women in More, a magazine targeted towards women over 40. A selection from the article is here. I liked how the author, Susan Dominus, talked about community as being important for single women, and she also mentioned co-housing communities, which have always sounded kind of cool to me (although they seem more suited to older people who are in the position to buy their own homes). The article did have a tone that to me, seemed almost defensive, leading me to believe that there is an expectation that single women would be judged harshly by their peers. It's not something I've really experienced, however, let's check back when I get to 40+ years old (assuming I'm still single). For example, "...it's easy to imagine that those who reject [marriage] may have come from unhappy families.." (the women profiled in the article didn't) and "...none fit the caricatures of the frustrated spinster or wacky Auntie Mame".

I thought it was interesting how it was repeatedly mentioned that these women had not given up on romance: "They didn't set out to be single, and they're still open to meeting a soul mate." "This comfort level with going it alone doesn't mean these women have renounced all dreams of romance". And, "None of the women interviewed for this story consciously set out to live without a mate. In fact, each of them has come close to getting hitched at least once, sometimes twice." I may be reading too much into this, but as we move forward with the acceptance of singlehood or other alternative lifestyles, I wouldn't want it to be the case that it's only acceptable to be single if you're seen as romantically desirable. Whether or not being single is our choice, shouldn't we be able to make the most of it anyway? I also wondered why there were no photos of the women who were featured in the article, especially when role models for single life were mentioned as being important.

I was glad to find this article, even though I'm not in its demographic. But would an article like this ever be published in a magazine targeted towards younger women? I doubt it, unless we're talking about a more "indie" publication like Bitch. Even at the tender age of 25, I'm already a long-term single woman. Most people my age have been dating, either consistently or on and off, for 10 years. In my mind, that's a long time. Looking at the media, you'd think women like me simply don't exist.

For a year, I had a subscription to the popular magazine Details, which is targeted towards men, although it also has some female readers. There would never have been an article in that magazine about long-term single men, unless there was some other titillating factor playing into their single status. I don't think that it's necessarily seen as okay for men to be perpetually single, either. Once single men get older, they might be seen as players or people who have issues with commitment. Could this have anything to do with the fact that we've only had one single president? However, while it goes without saying that these men are out there, apparently we're still working on the burden of proof when it comes to older single women. Or at least, we're trying to show that such women can lead lives that are just as exciting as their male brethren, and that they are not objects of pity.

I'll end with an interesting quote from the More article, which comes from Bella DePaulo, author of a book called Singled Out. She said: "American women spend more years of their adult life unmarried than married...So instead of thinking of single life as transitional, we should really be thinking of marriage as what comes between one single phase and the next." Romantic, no...but pragmatic, yes.

Eternal Hope and the Long-Term Single Life

"You coming back to me is against the odds, and that's what I've got to face."
--Phil Collins...hee, hee

(Note before we get rolling: I'm using the term "marriage" a lot in this post, but for my purposes here, it could refer to any romantic relationship where you're no longer single. A lot of people aren't too keen on marriage these days, but that doesn't mean that the tyranny of coupledom has dissipated much. Anyway...) I can't begin to count the amount of times I've read or heard a romantically frustrated asexual be told:

"There are asexual couples who've gotten married! Don't give up hope!"

I briefly touched on this topic in this long-ago post, but I'm hoping to take the idea a little further now. That yes, asexuals marry is not an incorrect answer. There are, indeed, asexual couples who've gotten married, although you can count the number that we know of on your hands. There are also, of course, asexuals in "mixed" relationships and asexuals in romantic relationships that aren't marriage. But is this answer a productive one? Does it really make the person feel any better? Maybe in the short term. But in the long term, I think that the prevalence of this response takes our focus away from unique matters that the asexual community could be pursuing. Personally, when I get told that others have found "the one", so "don't give up!", it just makes me think, "Well, I can't find a partner, so what's wrong with me?" People tend to not blame systems, but blame themselves.

There's this insidious assumption, possibly an American one, that if it's humanly possible for something to be accomplished, then you can do it, too. These are usually the "bootstraps" stories-- if one poor kids can get out of the ghetto and become a CEO, then you can, too. Of course, these stories ignore the panoply of social factors and issues that affect people. That said, this "bootstraps" type of assumption often plays out when people talk about relationships. The problem with "bootstraps" is that if ours malfunction, we feel worse than we did before. Yes, it's possible for asexuals to marry. But holding up romantic relationships as objects of eternal hope (to everyone but especially to asexuals) puts us in a place where it's too easy to feel like we're inadequate if we can't achieve what others have done.

In our culture, there is always hope that a single person will marry, regardless of the situation. "Don't worry, you'll find someone." But will we? Asking that question can feel like staring into a cultural abyss. If I was "holding out hope" for doing anything else that has the same odds of two asexuals marrying, I'd be called crazy. But when it comes to romance, it seems, no odds are too small. Most of our entertainments and forms of media support this idea, or rather, sell it with an intensity that is almost nonsensical. Maybe other single asexuals feel more confident about their romantic prospects than I do, but that doesn't change the fact that a lot of us are likely to stay single...if we're holding out for true love, that is. And let's not leave our aromantic brethren (of all orientations) out of this, either. Going back to our old friend The New Single Woman, E. Kay Trimberger writes:

Feminists in the vanguard of changing norms in the 1970s did not connect their commitment to finding idealized love--their belief that they did not have to settle-- to an increase in the probability that they would remain single. Today, young women may be just as unaware of the connection. But any attachment to this cultural ideal also means that women who are well into midlife may continue to search for a soulmate, with harmful results, I believe, for their well-being. Psychologist Karen Lewis, who is single, articulates some of the personal costs of a culture that values the couple above all other intimate connections: "At no point do single women know for sure that they will never marry. The ambiguity always leaves room for hope: Maybe the right man will come along during the next week or next month, on the next vacation, at the next business meeting, during the next walk with the dog. And as long as there is hope, there is the pain of ambiguity." (16-17, emphasis mine)

I know that single women deal with this; I would imagine that men might deal with something similar, although I can't speak for the guys on this one. The solution, to Trimberger (and to me) is to allow people to "envision or find support for a long-term single life" (4) and to "develop...an alternative vision" (17) to the eternal soulmate quest. And these alternative visions, to me, are something that the asexual community could really help to develop. I've always thought that as asexuals, we could use our differences for the greater good. Of course, some asexuals will marry, but I think it behooves everyone in our society to have more choices than either to be married or to be always seeking a mate. The asexual community, full of people who might remain single for long periods of time, is the perfect group to take on that project. As it is now, if you imply that another person will remain single for any length of time, it sounds like you're cursing them with a fate worse than death. I think that mindset is something we need to change.

BFFs: James and William, Etc

I'd like to give a shout-out to James Buchanan. Our 15th president, and often thought by historians to be one of the worst presidents we've ever had, he was also the only American president who was perpetually single. In fact, he had to enlist his niece to act as his First Lady (I had no idea that First Ladies were so integral to a presidency. Apparently someone has to entertain visiting dignitaries and do "advocacy work" that is important yet no one takes seriously. While Buchanan may not have been all that popular, his niece, Harriet, was-- the 19th century equivalent to Jackie Kennedy). I found this story about Buchanan's own BFF, related on Wikipedia, to be quite sweet:

For 15 years in Washington DC prior to his presidency, Buchanan lived with his close friend, Alabama Senator William Rufus King. King became Vice President under Franklin Pierce. He took ill and died shortly after Pierce's inauguration, and four years before Buchanan became President...Buchanan and King's nieces destroyed their uncles' correspondence, leaving some questions as to what relationship the two men had, but the length and intimacy of surviving letters illustrate "the affection of a special friendship" and Buchanan wrote of his "communion" with his housemate.

Even though such expressions of emotion were more common for male friends back then, it seems like even the press at that time wondered if they might have been gay. What the story of Buchanan makes me think of (in a personal, rather than political sense) is that yes, there are a lot of situations where it might be easier or preferable to have a partner or a spouse. But even in those instances, things can still be worked out if you're single. Your friends, family and associates can help you through-- even if they only nominate you for the presidency because you were out of the country when a polarizing conflict occurred. Oh well!

And, here's some more random fun with presidents. When I was in high school, I had, like most of you Americans, a boring US History class. Right above the blackboard (or was it a whiteboard?) were portraits of every US president at the time. I played a game with myself in which I tried to figure out what president was the most attractive. I remember choosing Franklin Pierce. I don't remember what he looked like, so I found a picture:

Also a pretty crappy president (our 14th), he was one of the few not old enough to be my grandfather. Historical accounts praise his "good looks", so maybe I can call them afterall. A notorious alcoholic, he reportedly stated that "There's nothing left to do but get drunk!" and died of cirrhosis. Fun dude. I find it interesting, looking back, how my choice was not influenced by "common opinions" of which president was most attractive, such as Bill Clinton or JFK (this was before Obama). No, I had to scrutinize every one and make my own choice, esoteric as it may be, to go with what little gut instinct I had in the matter.

(Thank you to Lia for answering my question: "Have we ever had a single president?")