Saturday, February 9, 2008

Captain Obvious Goes Out!

Well, I promised I would post about dating. And here's a confession: I've realized that I wouldn't mind dating, as long as I was dating people who already know what my orientation is, and have a similar one themselves. AVEN is full of posts like, "HOLY CRAP! How do I tell my wife I'm asexual?!?!?!" Many people take for granted that their partners know where their orientations lie, but that's not always true for us. This is why, although dating people who know and share your sexuality might seem like a "duh" statement, it really isn't. And it's obviously no more or less than any gay or straight person would expect.
For a long time, I was under the impression that asexuals couldn't participate in the bizarre social rituals that have long mystified the rest of the world. But that's bollocks, and I'm going to prove to myself (and the rest of us) that it is, indeed, bollocks. I'm attempting to do this by posting a personal ad on Craigslist. Don't laugh-- while I know many people view CL as the final frontier of online dating, at least it lists people by gender and not orientation. So while my asexuality might be obscure, at least being a woman isn't (Although, I am aware that statement could be argued). Anyway, I am chronicling my CL adventures here if you'd like to check them out. The short version is that I heard from some nice, interesting, and/or cool people. I didn't get any psychotic responses, believe it or not. I don't know if any of these people would actually want to date me (or if I'd want to date them), which is complicated by the fact that I'm still not sure what asexual dating is. At any rate, I stated in the ad that I didn't know this, and maybe one day I'll figure it out.
I want to believe that A-s can do whatever we want to do, even if it takes a little longer.


Anonymous said...

Good luck with that. The last time I posted a personal ad on CL, it got immediately revoked as 'miscategorized,' and when I asked why in the forums I got dogpiled on by a bunch of hostilely anti-A assholes.

Ily said...

Thanks, fluffy. Those people sound supremely obnoxious-- I love the internet as much as the next person, but it can really bring out the worst in some. I purposely never checked the forum in which I posted, because I didn't think I could handle reading mean responses from anonymous people. You're braver than I am!

Anonymous said...

Well, meanwhile, we could always give it another go. When we went out that one time I think we were both very tired from our respective jobs so it did a lot to mute any [asexual equivalent of] passion which would have otherwise been there. Or maybe it's just oxymoronic for two asexuals to try to hook up in a conventional way like that. :)

maymay said...

I want to believe that A-s can do whatever we want to do, even if it takes a little longer.

That sounds very much like what I thought when I was introduced to the idea that people with bipolar disorder "can't realistically have the same expectations as other people do," especially when it comes to professional competence. Fuck that, I thought, that's total bollocks. It just seems to take bipolar people longer to build a career that makes them happy. But to think we can't expect to have that just because we're bipolar is horribly limiting thinking.

I hope your asexual dating experiments go well, whatever the outcome.

Ily said...

Maymay--thanks. I also thought the same thing about having "learning disabilities" (what a gnarly word); that I'd never be able to keep a job or be employed at my education level. Hoping to be right there with you proving that wrong as well. Fluffy-- I'll respond to you by e-mail.

icarus said...

what did your ad say? i'm curious!