Wednesday, May 14, 2008

More Paneltasticness

Tomorrow, I'm going to be on another panel, this time at Stanford University with the always-illuminating Karli and DJ. Here's some of the things we'll be talking about:

How do asexual people define themselves and build community?

We drink coffee and talk about dating? I try to build community by doing visibility stuff (like this panel) and organizing meetups, and I'm not sure what else I can do. If there are other ways of building community, I'm frothing at the mouth to learn what they are!

Are asexual people queer and feminist?

Not all women are feminist, let alone all asexual people, although my feminist self thinks everyone in the world needs to be feminist. Feminism's great for all of us, I promise! When it comes to "sex-as-power", women tend to get a raw deal, and asexuality does provide some liberation from this. It also frees men from having to associate their masculinity with sexual prowess. I think As are queer (as far as everything that doesn't follow a heterosexual model is), but I know not all of us want to use that identifier.

How do asexual people disrupt gender norms?

Well, since most gender norms have some component of sexual desirability, when you stop trying to attract people of the opposite (or any) sex, you tend to "lose" your gender. At least, this has been my experience. I identify as a woman, but it's not as large a part of my identity as it seems to be for other women.

How do asexual people hook up?

I really have no idea. Still waiting for the A-bar.

What's the difference between sexual relationships and friendship?

Besides the sex, I'd say it's probably the amount of time and dedication you spend on the person. And I think it's regrettable that we're taught to only see sexual relationships as "primary" in our lives. But that's just me.

Also, I'm being billed as a "radical asexual blogger", which is exciting. My first thought was, "What do radical asexual bloggers wear?" At any rate, this will be fun.


Monica said...

Here beginneth my efforts to be a better commenter!

Your comment about feminism made me think you'd like to see this, if you haven't already: Yes, You Are, which is a great blog post about being a feminist.

Ily said...

Yay, Monica! I hadn't seen that post before, but it's really good. Feminism is, indeed, pretty simple at the heart of it.

Anonymous said...

"And I think it's regrettable that we're taught to only see sexual relationships as "primary" in our lives. But that's just me."

I can't agree with you more on that statement. The greatest relationships of my life have been, and continue to be, asexual ones. I feel as though physical intimacy often clouds the stronger emotional intimacy shared between two people. I'm really glad to have found this blog! :D

Ily said...

Woot, I'm glad you found you way here, too!