We won!

The war of attrition is finally over...and it's official, I won the contest! That's right, Asexy Beast is now Best of Blogs 2007 in the LGBT category (which is kind of interesting, dontcha think?). This really doesn't say as much about this blog as it does about you: Since I won with something like 70% of the vote, it's clear that we can make things happen as a group. Hopefully winning the contest will direct some people here to get their minds blown, since heavens knows I don't actually "get" anything. Here, you get a special cake that looks like a rubiks cube:

Thank you...

SATC: The Movie!

So, I saw the Sex and the City movie yesterday. As you all know, I've been a fairly rabid fan for years. And the movie is pretty much what I expected. It's still a big fat ode to platonic love (just look at how Carrie's honeymoon turns out), and will still make you feel under-dressed, underpaid, and wistful for a world where love, in all its forms, comes first.
During the trailers for what looked to be a lot of crappy movies, we were subjected to a preview for He's Just Not That Into You: The Movie. It was never our favorite book around here. As I ranted to my movie-going companion (sorry about that), "What's next, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: The Movie?" You heard it here first, Hollywood. I'm appalled that you're so low on ideas. Call my people, aiight?

Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em)

You know you're A when you're watching the new Busta Rhymes video, and all you can think about is how it's probably the most inadvertently asexual rap song you've heard in awhile. The chorus is, "Don't touch me, you might burn yourself." I feel like most songs would have something like, "Touch me because I'm hot", but this one is the opposite. Huh. Busta doesn't want random people touching him in clubs, and I don't either. But it does get messy throwing all that water on them.

Oh yeah, forgot the link. Durr.

Some review of the Sex & the City movie (SWOON!) coming soon...

I Wouldn't Know What To Do

More lyrics dissemination. This song by Swedish group (yeah, yeah, I have a thing) The Honeydrips perfectly describes the way I felt when I had a crush on someone. I had an urge to be near this person, but God only knows what we'd do if we were ever alone together. Which we never really were. Sigh. Even the end: "I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do" applied to my situation-- I just didn't know what "get you" entailed in my case, which made the whole thing a little confusing Here's an excerpt of the lyrics:

I Wouldn't Know What To Do
By The Honeydrips
circa 2007

For a week or two
I've been dreaming about you
And your lovely smile...
Oh, 15 minutes with you
10 minutes with you
5 minutes with you
I wouldn't know what to do.

The actual song can, for once, be found on the band's Myspace page.

Tell It Slant?

In Nobody Passes, Amy André wonders, in reference to being a femme lesbian:
Why should I have to teach about that idea?
And I wonder the same thing. As asexuals, we'll always get questions from curious, and sometimes obnoxious, people. How much, and what, should we say? I'm finding that it really varies from person to person. If I say too much, I end up feeling like an educational exhibit and not a person. If I'm in an appropriate context, like a panel, I can break out the Powerpoint presentation. But, long explanations to near-strangers test my sanity. When I was able to say "none of your business!" when a guy I'd known for 10 minutes asked me, "so, you had sex and didn't enjoy it?" I considered this to be personal progress. I used to answer every question for the sake of education, but this left me feeling, for lack of a better word, violated. This advice quoted in What Color is Your Parachute is now my modus operandi: "I used to tell everyone the truth; now I only give it to those that can handle it". I just want to say: You can be totally arbitrary about who you choose to educate. You can educate people in whatever way you see fit. And if you want to tell people to "Just Fucking Google It"? I support that.

Also, I'm happy to tell you that the pamphlets are working! I put some in the SF LGBT Center, and lo and behold, someone posted to AVEN that they were there due to finding these pamphlets. Hurrah! Here's to many more folks finding us!

Rotterdam

I promised you the extremely asexy song "Rotterdam", so here you have it. It comes from the fantastic album "Seamonsters" by the Wedding Present (1991), which you really should own. It was produced by my musical hero, Steve Albini, and achieves a fierce moroseness that's kind of amazing (although not for every mood). Although "Rotterdam" comes between songs with titles like "Suck" and "Lovenest", it'll be fairly obvious why I'm profiling it:

Rotterdam
by the Wedding Present

I thought you'd come round
And I know how this will sound
I said so much yesterday that I shouldn't have
So what did I do
After I talked to you?
I should've gone home straightaway but I couldn't have
Oh, I stayed with you and my heart began to sink
I wanted you but not the way you think.
So what did I say
Didn't mean it anyway
And I don't want anything that I should do.
I know you're sad
Believe me, I'm feeling bad
If I could change everything then I would do
Oh I stayed with you and my heart began to sink
I wanted you but not the way you think.

Emphasis mine. Here is someone covering the song. Sorry, best I could do. Hope you're having a good Memorial Day, everyone...

You Don't Want a Boyfriend

Happy to read all your comments on my last post. Also, I'm tired of relating to obscure songs that have no internet presence. This one, I found from Jessel's great "mixtape" on his Myspace page. But, since the internet has given me so much, like Wikepedia and you reading this, I'll give back and try to transcribe some lyrics again myself. I did have some trouble with the Irish accent (swoon!), but I deciphered it pretty well this time. Like most of the songs that I find vaguely asexual, this one is extremely twee and also moderately depressing. However, let it be known that this relates more to my own musical choices than the asexual experience at large. Speaking of the Irish, I would want a boyfriend with a cool accent. Even if people aren't "hot" to me, their accents, strangely enough, sure are.

"You Don't Want a Boyfriend"
By Brian, circa 1992

You don't want a boyfriend
With sloppy kisses.
You don't want a boyfriend
Who'll put up with you.
Sit and be impatient every day.
Scream and shout and sulk and make him (marry?)
You don't want a boyfriend
Who can't resist you.
You don't want a boyfriend
Who's honest with you
I've heard it said before, and I find it's true
The more you give yourself away to someone
The less they'll think--
You don't want a boyfriend
And that's forever.
You don't want a boyfriend
You could do better
I've heard it said before and I find it's true
The more you give yourself away to someone
The less they'll think of you.
Baby, baby, you're leaving me.
It wasn't about you.
It wasn't about you.
Baby, you're hurting me.
It wasn't about you.
It wasn't about you.
Baby, baby, you're leaving me.
It wasn't about you,
It wasn't about you, &c.

Here's the single, which is selling for $85 online:

I know I probably project asexuality onto songs that don't contain it, but I consider that part of the fun of this blog. "You Don't Want a Boyfriend" isn't full-on asexy, but I get a subtle vibe: "You don't want a boyfriend that can't resist you" and all that. It sounds like it's covering a similar theme to "Rotterdam" (which I can't believe I haven't posted yet, and need to remedy): "I wanted you, but not the way you think". The song could easily be the forlorn sounds of an extremely twee asexual person. But not guilty.