Monday, December 17, 2007

Shut up and don't kiss me

I found this on PostSecret, again:

I'm not as into PostSecret as I used to seems like the secrets have gotten more mean-spirited lately, if such a thing is possible. However, sometimes I still find secrets that really give me pause. This secret is timely for me, because I was thinking about the whole "first kiss" rite of passage a few days ago. I'm not sure what to say about it except that, like standardized tests and the Iraq war (did I say that? Yes I did), it inflicts needless pain on the children.
There are myriad people right now, approximately ages 11 and up, who are feeling like "freakazoids" or perhaps "zoidafreaks" because they haven't been kissed. Before I found AVEN, I felt like a freak, too. I didn't "get kissed" until I was 19, and I haven't been kissed for the last three years. My first kiss wasn't a good experience, but I didn't even care, because I was so relieved to get it over with. Now, how healthy is that? And how many sexual people do you think felt the same way at some point during their teenage years? I'm going to go with "tons". This is why the asexual revolution is important for all of us, Ace or not. We would like to get rid of this "first kiss" pressure, and we'd like your support on the matter.
I think the first step towards this new world order is to be able to talk about your kissing history without feeling judged. That's what's so cool about AVEN-- you can announce "I've never been kissed" and have 20 other people agree with you. When someone tells you they've only kissed one, 3, or 57 people, and you go "oh REALLY?", that's not helping. "Being kissed" (and notice how it's always mentioned in a passive sense, as if it's some kind of burning bush that just appears out of nowhere) will not change your life. It's just saliva. So can we be a little casual about it, please?


maymay said...

A similar, though inverted, pressure is true for one's first experience with sex. The perceived value of virginity gives the absence of that act more power than it ought, and this is similarly damaging for both virgins and "non-virgins" alike.

Also, notice that men are encouraged to treat the act of sex as an active thing (men "fuck"), whereas women are encouraged to treat it as a passive thing (women "get fucked"). Feh!

Ily said...

Very true. Much like my first-kiss story, I've known folks who have had terrible first experiences with sex, but were still relieved to get it over with. The stigma against being a virgin above "a certain age" is so strong that it fosters some very odd and unhealthy views on sexuality. The first-kiss mythos is just a junior version of the losing-your-virginity mythos. And the latter, I think, can be even more damaging. Yikes!

Mads said...

i completely agree....first kisses (and the first time you have sex) are hardly ever enjoyable anyway because its so awkward and unfamiliar...i havent met anyone with a very good first kiss story so i have no idea while people put so much pressure on themselves to get kissed...and if youre so worried about it, its gonna be even worse yea...people should just relax and have their first kiss whenever the time is right :-)

Ily said...

Ah second kiss was even worse, and I've never kissed anyone since! And there is nothing freaky about that, nope nope! :-)