Once, someone asked me if "this" was a date. I wasn't thrilled with the question, since I wasn't then, and still am not, sure how exactly to distinguish an asexual date from a friendly get-together. I replied, "It's whatever you want it to be". I thought that was an answer that no one could possibly argue with, but my companion was extremely annoyed by my non-committal attitude to our meeting. This is one of the reasons why I think it would be edifying to read Is it a Date, or Just Coffee? Apparently, this is a book all about that troublesome question: Is this a date? If anything, just the idea that a book like this exists is highly amusing. It's written for lesbians, but I wonder if female As could pick up an insight or two. I'll add it to my (very long) list...
And I have to say, San Francisco's best asexual publicity effort right now is probably my resume, which has AVEN on it. Seriously, hundreds of people are going to be seeing that thing...
7 comments:
I actually feel like that's a great answer. That leaves it open for the other person to decide whether or not they want it to be a date, knowing that you will be fine with whatever they choose! Or at least that's how it would work in my perfect (read: impossible) world, where everyone communicates, is never rude, and notices people around them.
Can I just say that I now have a rather lengthy reading list, most of which has been garnered from reading the archives of your blog? You are quite good at writing thoughtful, interesting reviews that make me want to check out whatever it is you are reviewing! You should add that to your resume...although I don't know if that would fly. :D
Yeah, some people are just really into definitions...I guess I can't blame them, but for me, that would be a hard view to sustain without going crazy.
And I'm really glad that other people are checking these books out! Hmm, I'm sure someone gets paid a ton of money to make people want to read things, but I'm not sure what job that is. I don't know about my resume, however, if I ever have to come up with press quotes (I don't know why, but a girl can hope) I'm definitely using that...thank you! :-)
I've been asked that question several times. Never knew what to say, really, until I asked a friend and she said "If it meets the 3 Ps (planned, paired off, paid for) then it's a date."
Attraction isn't one of the requirements, so I've felt somewhat justified saying "Sure, why not?" The last couple of times. I think if the person even has to ask, they're looking for validation in the affirmative. And as long as I don't feel like I'm leading them on, I don't mind massaging their ego a wee bit. :)
Indeed, I think the idea of "who pays" is crucial in determining dateage. But, if you're like me and feel extremely awkward letting other people pay for you, you're back where you started from...(because aren't many of your activities with friends planned and paired off?) I guess asking is polite; perhaps better than just assuming, although much less suave. :-)
i just read this post and i could see why someone would get a little annoyed by that response...cause you pretty much only ask someone if its a date if you want it to be and i guess when the other person doesn't jump up and say "of course its a date my love!!!" you get a little hurt...but yea, actually id say a little hurt is more understandable than annoyed...
Yay, I has a Madeline! Maybe this could all be solved by the date-hopeful person asking "want to go on a date with me?" If the person has no game and also just asks us to "hang out", how are we supposed to get that? :-)
"I think if the person even has to ask, they're looking for validation in the affirmative."
I think that one varies. Most might, but some might be sitting there freaking out that they might be leading YOU on, and want to ask it to find out if they're being paranoid or not.
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